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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22936717">Sweet Nuthin'</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kattlupin/pseuds/Kattlupin'>Kattlupin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Gay Remus Lupin, Getting Together, M/M, Muggle Studies, Remus Lupin Never Went to Hogwarts, Summer Love, Teenagers, and absolutely no sexy stuff, and first declarations of love, because love finds a way no matter what, but sirius finds him anyway, but there is kissing, euphemia and fleamont potter are great, even with those two triggers this is still a fluff piece, hope and lyall lupin are loving parents, lots of wizard in a muggle world adventures, magic book, magical au, plus a bunch more after the first, sirius blacks gay awakening, so expect lots of cute dumb stuff, sweet first kissing, tw child abuse, tw homophobia, walburga and orion black are predictably terrible, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:15:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22936717</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kattlupin/pseuds/Kattlupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When the summer between third and fourth year begins, Sirius expects it to be nothing but lazy days, harmless pranks with James, and the occasional meet-up with the rest of his friends from Hogwarts. Those plans go out the window rather quickly when he gets a sudden glimpse of Remus Lupin, a mysterious boy who changes everything about Sirius Black's life and shows him that love will always win in the end.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>642</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Remus Lupin Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This author requests you leave my work off tiktok</p><p>Prompt: AU where Remus never goes to Hogwarts. One day, James and Sirius are visiting Lily over the summer between third and fourth year and see a brown haired boy in the yard across the street. Sirius makes it his summer mission to get to know and woo the boy.<br/>Likes: Shy Remus, flustered and humble Sirius, talker Sirius, James being a dork, kind and funny lily</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>June</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Sirius slams his bedroom door shut and haphazardly begins to throw some clothes and other essentials into his shoulder bag, the sound of his mother screaming his name still echoing in his ears almost as loudly as the slap that caused the pink stinging mark that’s settled onto his right cheek from where the back of her right hand had landed minutes ago. </p><p>He was prepared for it, had known it was coming from the moment James had successfully rigged their summer Muggle Studies project so that the two of them would be paired with Lily. In truth, this also wasn’t the first crisp slap across the face that Sirius had received because of that class. Upon finding out he’d elected to take it the summer previously, Walburga had had one of her notorious moments of irrational rage, so it really was no surprise that she was bound to be absolutely furious at Sirius’s summer assignment to spend one day a week integrated with Muggles. Her rage was made even more palpable due to the fact that this assignment meant he was going to be consorting with a female Muggle-born all summer long. </p><p>“The little harpy is going to try to seduce you,” Walburga had accused, and Sirius had rolled his eyes. Seducing Sirius was the last thing Lily Evans was likely to do. She didn’t even <em> like </em> Sirius, she hated him actually, only slightly less than she hated James, and it’s likely that Lily is just as mad about their summer assignment as Walburga. Sirius knows for a fact that Lily had been hoping to be teamed up with Marlene McKinnon and Dorcas Meadows, whom both ended up with Peter. The only real upside to being grouped with Lily, Sirius thought, was that at least he and James were not with Mary MacDonald. </p><p>Mary was nice enough, albeit a bit annoying, as she was the one who had been spending the better part of their third year trying to seduce Sirius. Like Lily, Mary was a Muggle-born witch, and though it was a breath of fresh air that Mary’s pursuit of Sirius was based solely on his looks instead of his status as the Black family heir, Sirius found that he still has trouble managing to care or find any real interest in her. The coupling that’s happening all around him between girls and boys is proving to be quite vexing to Sirius, no matter how many times James and Peter had tried to tell him he’s missing out. </p><p>Sirius takes one final look around his room to make sure he hasn’t forgotten anything and checks his bag again. Change of clothes, toothbrush, Muggle Studies textbook, ballpoint pen and spiral-bound notebook— the last two items of which Sirius found most amusing. Muggles may not have magic, but at least they’ve figured out something better than quills and unwieldy rolls of parchment. He’d used a fair amount of his pocket money to purchase extras of these things, for both his own use and as a way to put extra galleons into his pocket when he returns to Hogwarts in September— the value of contraband Muggle items is almost <em> twice </em> what they’re worth in the real world.</p><p>“I’m leaving now, Mother,” Sirius calls from in front of the Floo in the library of Grimmauld Place. </p><p>“I expect you back here in time for dinner with the Malfoys on Sunday,” Walburga says, appearing from the other side of the door. “After spending two nights with the Potters, the filthy blood traitors, you’ll need a reminder of how <em> proper </em> Wizarding families behave.”</p><p>Sirius turns his back on his Mother and rolls his eyes as he steps into the Floo, tossing a handful of green powder into the grate. “Potter Manor,” he says clearly and slips down and through the Floo Network, then steps into the Potters’ living room where James is waiting for him with a ridiculous grin on his face.</p><p>“Wotcher Sirius,” he greets, clapping Sirius on the shoulder and causing a plume of soot to rise into the air around them. “Any trouble getting out of the Grim Old Place?”</p><p>Sirius laughs lightly at the pun and shrugs his shoulders. “No more trouble than usual. My mum’s right pissed about this whole Muggle Studies thing, but we knew that.” Sirius pauses and raises an eyebrow at James. “Called Lily a harpy.”</p><p>“My Lily, a harpy?”</p><p>“She’s not <em> your </em> Lily, you git.”</p><p>“Not <em> yet </em>,” James says, emphasis on the ‘yet’. “But you’ll see, she won’t be able to resist my charm this summer.”</p><p>“James, is that Sirius I hear?” Euphemia Potter calls from somewhere within the rather stately home.</p><p>“Yes, Mum,” James yells back.</p><p>“Show him to his room and get back down here for supper.”</p><p>“Yes, Mum,” James yells back again, his grin widening and his eyes wild with excitement.</p><p>Sirius feels his lips pull up at the corners to match James’s expression. The tension he didn’t realize he was holding seeps out of his body. He’s happy to be amongst the Potters’ again— a place that actually feels like something that resembles home.</p><p>_____</p><p><br/>With his eyes half shut, Sirius attempts to blink away the remnants of the best night of sleep he’s had since he and his friends left Hogwarts for the summer holiday a week ago. He shuffles to the curb in front of the Potters’ house with his shoulder bag slung across his chest filled with his notebook and pens, plus a few joke items that James had insisted upon. He was sure that Lily would be entertained by a trick wand and a mediocre display of Filibuster Fireworks despite Sirius’s argument that she wouldn’t, just like James had argued that arriving by a side-along apparition with his mum was far less impressive than taking the Knight Bus to Cokeworth. Sirius did agree with that— taking the bus was far more impressive and mature— but now, standing on the curb at an unnecessarily early hour and idly chewing a slice of peanut butter on toast instead of being able to sleep in and eat a real breakfast prepared by Euphemia, this whole Knight Bus thing is seeming less ideal by the minute. </p><p>“This is rubbish,” Sirius mumbles around a mouthful of sticky peanut butter.</p><p>“Don’t be such a tosser,” James says, irritatingly too chipper for this time of day— not that Sirius is surprised by it. James has always been an early and eager riser, always attempting to pull Sirius out of bed back at school for a bit of flying before breakfast. </p><p>“You’re on your own next time,” Sirius states. “I’m letting your mum apparate me from here on out.”</p><p>“It’s your funeral,” James says smugly and extends his arm, his fist wrapped tightly around his wand. “See how many girls you get when they find out you side-along with your mate’s mum instead of riding the bus like a man.”</p><p>Sirius is about to argue that a man would actually just apparate himself, not take the bus when said bus arrives with a <em> BANG </em> and overly loud <em> HONK-HONK </em>. But, being fourteen, he’s still three years away from that, and right now he’d prefer a proper breakfast after a full night's sleep instead of this bus nonsense to impress a girl. It all seems like a complete waste of time. He steps onto the bus, barely listening to James give their destination and pay the attendant. </p><p>“Here,” James says, handing Sirius a mug of steaming black tea when they find a place to sit down— two armchairs with a table between them that glide back and forth across the floor of the Knight Bus as it moves. The jolt of it causes Sirius to immediately slosh some of the steaming hot liquid onto himself. He sucks in a breath and rises from his seat, flipping James the V in the process.</p><p>“Oh for fuck’s sake Sirius.” James points his wand at the wet stain on Sirius’s trousers. “<em>Tergeo! </em>”</p><p>Sirius settles back into his seat and takes a sip of the still piping hot tea, promptly burning his tongue but happy for the caffeine nevertheless. </p><p>“You’ll see,” James murmurs around the rim of his own teacup. “Once Mary and the other girls hear from Lily that we arrived by Knight Bus they’ll be throwing themselves at your feet. I might even give a few of them a chance. A little jealousy goes a long way when trying to get a girl’s affection.”</p><p>“I’m not sure it works that way, James,” Sirius says, furrowing his brow in thought. In his experience he hasn’t needed the Knight Bus to impress anyone, and jealousy isn’t exactly known for being a positive feeling. He’s also quite sure that Lily would be more than happy to see James’s enthusiastic affection to be aimed toward someone who isn’t her for a change.</p><p>“You’re no expert. That’s for sure,” James quips. “How long has Mary been after you now?”</p><p>“I don’t know. Why are we talking about this?”</p><p>“Because girls are everything— after Quidditch that is,” James says thoughtfully. “Speaking of, are you going to try out for the team this year?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Sirius responds, shrugging his shoulders. He’d made the backup team last year but was never brought in, and found the practice schedule to be a bit exhausting anyway. But, he can see how he might enjoy some of the notoriety that comes with being on the actual team, and they <em> do </em>need a new beater this year.</p><p>“Making the team would be a sure way to get you a girlfriend if you decide not to get with Mary this year,” James rambles on, barely stopping to breathe.</p><p>“Why is it always about girls with you these days?”</p><p>“I’ve already told you. Girls are everything after Quidditch.”</p><p>“Well not to me,” Sirius retorts.</p><p>“Sirius,” James says seriously and lowers his voice, “you <em> are </em>into girls aren’t you? You’re not into blokes or something?”</p><p>“No!” Sirius exclaims. “I just don’t see what the fuss is all about with girls.”</p><p>James narrows his eyes a bit at Sirius, his lips pulled into a lopsided grin. He looks as if he wants to say more, but shrugs his shoulders instead. </p><p>Sirius focuses on drinking his tea and is grateful for the sudden silence that has fallen between the two of them as they endure the remainder of their trip on the Knight Bus, their chairs sliding awkwardly forward and back across the floor. Sirius tells himself that it’s this motion that is creating an uneasiness in his stomach, not James’s suggestion that maybe it’s blokes he’s into instead of girls.</p><p>_____</p><p><br/>Lily has a friendly enough look on her face as the boys arrive at her curb in Cokeworth. Sirius actually thinks she’s happy to see them for a fleeting moment, but that lasts only as long as it takes for James to hold out the trick wand.</p><p>“Here,” James says, extending the wand out to her while he fumbles with his notebook, pen, and a useless bottle of ink that he’s convinced he still needs, not quite understanding how Muggle pens work. </p><p>Lily laughs and rolls her eyes, clearly finding as much amusement as Sirius is at James’s fumbling with the most basic of Muggle objects. “You’re going to be a disaster all summer,” she says and grabs onto the wand, but her laughter ends abruptly when the wand bursts open into a bouquet of oversized lilies, along with a cloud of pollen and a few confused bumble bees buzzing around. She sneezes and then promptly whacks James across the head with it, raining leaves and petals down on him. “You birk!”</p><p>Sirius tries not to laugh at the stunned look on James’s face or the way his hair is heavily dusted in the orange powdery pollen, only made worse when James ruffles his hair and smears it through the dark unruly strands.</p><p>“Let’s just get this over with,” Lily grumbles and leads them inside her home. </p><p>The Evans’ are seated in the living room with the television on and a smartly dressed man on the screen reporting about a strange weather occurrence that hovered over Wimborne— something about a green cloud that had most of the town's residents running for cover.</p><p>“Mum, Dad,” Lily says. “This is Sirius and James.”</p><p>Her parents both rise and eagerly greet them, and her dad vigorously shakes Sirius’s hand as his eyes glisten with excitement over having wizards who were raised with magic in his home. Lily has to stop him from taking over and bombarding the boys with endless questions and Sirius is grateful for it, especially when her father starts inquiring about meeting Sirius and James’s parents. </p><p>James, of course, is more than happy to discuss such things. He’s probably using it as evidence that he can start planning their wedding once the Potters and Evanses have all shaken hands. But the idea of exposing Lily’s parents to Walburga and Orion sits uncomfortably within Sirius’s chest. </p><p>Sirius takes a deep breath and looks around— it’s far different from Grimmauld Place, but not that different from the Potters’ house. It’s warm and friendly inside with light streaming in through the open windows and a cool, early summer breeze moving through the rooms. The most striking changes are the Muggle appliances and gadgets, all of which they have studied in class and he’s seen in his textbook. </p><p>Lily shows them into the kitchen and explains how to use the microwave by heating a plate of leftovers for them to share. James argues it’s less effective than a warming charm, and Lily has to remind him that Muggles don’t have warming charms, causing James to blush in embarrassment and Lily to again laugh at his fumbling as she offers them tea made the Muggle way. The tea takes far longer to prepare than either James or Sirius are used to, but Lily doesn’t seem bothered by the length of time, and Sirius thinks that this must explain some of her patience back at school. </p><p>Since starting at Hogwarts, Sirius has always found the Muggle-born students’ excitement at food magically appearing on the table and things like tea and coffee always being instant and at a constant temperature to be most entertaining. But now he thinks he understands why. If they’ve been waiting around for a cup of tea for twenty minutes from start to finish for their entire lives, it’s no wonder the instant arrival is always such a marvel. However, as he takes his first sip of tea made the Muggle way, the flavours full and fragrant, he thinks maybe the speed of magic isn’t always the best way. </p><p>“Are you going to show us your bedroom next,” James asks hopefully, his mouth full of the shepherd’s pie that Lily had heated for them. </p><p>Sirius cringes at the sight and wonders how it is that James doesn’t realize how truly appalling of a sight it is and that he’s never going to get Lily to want to be anywhere near him if he keeps this up. Furthermore, he’s also pretty sure Mrs. Potter would have his hide if she’d witnessed it personally. He’s about to tell James to shut his maw when Lily does it for him.</p><p>“Godric no!” Lily exclaims. “And chew with your mouth closed. I thought you pureblood boys were supposed to have manners.”</p><p>Sirius laughs at this and jokes, “James must have been absent the day we went over pureblood manners.” Lily smiles at Sirius’s joke and James kicks him under the table, causing Sirius to suck in a breath. “What was that for?”</p><p>“You know for what!” James snaps, his jaw clenched and jutting slightly out towards Lily.</p><p>“Oh for goodness sake Potter, it was just a joke,” Lily says, then mumbles something about this being a long summer.</p><p>Sirius internally agrees with her. If he has to spend one day a week for his entire summer watching James continually fail at wooing Lily, it’s going to be a very long three months. He tries to lighten the mood. “So, what’s next?”</p><p>“Well, I was thinking that we could watch a little telly. I don’t think either of you has one of those, and then maybe we can even try to make a few phone calls,” Lily suggests.</p><p>James visibly brightens at this suggestion. “Will you show us that What Doctor you, Mary, and Peter are always going on about?”</p><p>“Doctor Who,” Lily laughs.</p><p>“Oh, you know the one!” James says indignantly.</p><p>“No, you idiot,” Sirius says. “Doctor Who is the name of the show.”</p><p>“Like you know,” James argues and swats Sirius on the shoulder. “You’ve got less Muggle experience than I have.”</p><p>“I think you’re both pretty hopeless,” Lily teases, getting up from the table and placing their empty teacups and plates into the sink.</p><p>“Is there a special microwave to clean those?” James asks.</p><p>“No,” Lily laughs again, clearly amused at James’s complete ignorance of non-magical life. “We do these by hand. Would you like a try?”</p><p>“Would I ever!” James exclaims and promptly bounds to the sink. “Come on Sirius, let's do the dishes, the Muggle way!”</p><p>The Muggle way, as it turns out, is a lot wetter than Sirius would have imagined, or maybe that was just due to James’s enthusiasm to use the sprayer. By the time the dishes are done, Sirius’s shirt is clinging to his torso and his eyes are burning from the soap bubbles that James had splashed into them. </p><p>His eyes are so red and irritated he can hardly see the telly when the three of them finally settle in to watch Doctor Who, but even without his sight he can see the appeal, and judging from James’s hyperactive energy it’s clear that he is enjoying it as well— although that could just be his excitement about being able to share a couch with Lily and her not being able to hex him for his close proximity.</p><p>Three episodes and four phone calls later— one to Peter who was with Marlene and Dorcas, one to Mary, and two to a local bakery (the first making Lily snatch the phone away from James when he tried putting in an order for cauldron cakes instead of cupcakes— she had to immediately call them back and place a proper order, apologizing for the mistake of the previous caller), she then insisted that James gives her money for the cupcakes.</p><p>Thankfully Sirius has regained his eyesight once they’re ready to stick out their wands and return to Potter Manor. The thought of riding on the chaotic Knight Bus sans one of his five major senses was not something he wanted to experience, no matter how adventurous he tended to be. </p><p>“See you next week!” James exclaims like an over-eager puppy.</p><p>Lily genuinely smiles at the two of them. “Alright, see you next week.”</p><p>Sirius extends out his fist, wand in hand, eager to get back to the Potters’ for one more night before he has to return to the stifling nature of his own home. The Knight Bus appears with its usual <em> BANG </em> and <em> HONK-HONK </em>drowned out by the sound of the Filibuster Fireworks that James had insisted on exploding around them. Sirius turns and looks just in time to see Lily’s face fall in horror as her neighbors begin to look out of their front doors at whatever it is that is making all this noise.</p><p>Nearly all of them are looking up at the sky except for a tawny-haired boy who looks to be about Sirius’s age across the street. He’s staring at the Knight Bus, something Muggles shouldn’t be able to see. </p><p>Sirius can’t take his eyes off of the boy. There’s something serene and almost ethereal about him. Without looking away, Sirius grabs ahold of Lily’s forearm.</p><p>“What Sirius?” she snaps.</p><p>“Who’s that?” he asks, his other hand pointing across the street.</p><p>“That’s just Remus,” she says. “My neighbor.”</p><p>____</p><p> </p><p>Sirius tosses and turns in his bed at the Potters’ all night, the image of the boy across the street imprinted behind his closed eyelids. By all logic, there was no reason as to why he would have been able to see the Knight Bus, yet he clearly could. And unlike the rest of the residents in that particular corner of Cokeworth, he seemed completely unfazed by the spectacle of the Filibuster Fireworks— one that James is currently regretting, as it not only infuriated Lily but also drew the attention of the Ministry which issued a stern warning about public displays of magic in a Muggle neighborhood. Subsequently, Euphemia and Fleamont Potter had decided that the Knight Bus is no longer an option for the boys to travel by. James was thoroughly disappointed; Sirius doesn’t care either way. </p><p>All Sirius cares about is finding out why the boy across the street was able to see what he did. Lily never mentioned a wizarding family that lived nearby and Sirius knows for sure he’s never seen this boy at Hogwarts— he definitely would’ve remembered him. Sirius knew Severus Snape lived close, but this boy was clearly not a member of that family. This boy was golden and warm, and something about him pulled at Sirius’s insides. </p><p>Sirius had briefly locked eyes with the boy after he took his seat on the bus in the split second before it disapparated away. The shy smile that crept across the boy's face before he ducked his head and turned back inside his home, was one of the best and most confusing things that Sirius has ever seen. </p><p>He turns again in his bed and grabs one of the many extra pillows to hold close to his chest and releases a sigh. For the most part, Sirius has been feeling relatively indifferent towards this summer Muggle Studies project. Though he likes that it affords him time away from Grimmauld Place and he loves staying with the Potters, watching James fumble all summer around Lily is likely to get old. He’d already been annoyed with it today. </p><p>But now, Sirius is feeling a shift in his focus and he suddenly feels impatient for next Saturday to arrive, eager to learn more about the boy across the street. James, of course, said that Sirius was imagining things, that there was no way that the boy saw the Knight Bus, and Sirius was just being delusional. </p><p>Flipping over again, his heart beating faster than it should for the middle of the night, Sirius decides he can’t wait until Saturday to find out more. He throws the covers off of himself and walks to the desk under the window in the bedroom. He pulls out his notebook and pen and begins to write Lily a letter— surely she knows more about this Remus other than him just being her neighbor.</p><p><em>Lily—<br/></em> <em>Is Remus a wizard?<br/></em> <em>Sirius</em></p><p>After tearing the piece of paper out of the spiral-bound notebook, Sirius folds it up and opens the window. He brings two fingers to his mouth and whistles, beckoning one of the Potters’ many post owls to him. A large brown barn owl swoops to him and Sirius attaches the letter to its foot. “Lily Evans,” he directs and watches as the owl silently flies off above the trees.</p><p>Sirius climbs back into bed and throws the blanket back over himself, leaving the window open to let in a cool breeze. With his letter sent and hopefully answers about the mysterious boy to come tomorrow, he finally feels like maybe he can get some rest. Hugging a pillow close to his chest again, Sirius closes his eyes, the image of Remus and his shy smile being the last thing that he thinks of before sleep overtakes him. </p><p>When Sirius wakes up in the morning, it’s to the weight of the same owl he’d sent to Lily standing on the pillow he is clinging to. The bird’s head is cocked to the side and its foot is extended at Sirius’s face, almost brushing his nose. Sirius sits up startled and checks the clock on the wall— it’s not even 6 am. The owl flutters its wings and hoots indignantly at Sirius, kicking its leg pointedly, the familiar spiral notebook paper still attached.</p><p>“I said take it to Lily Evans,” Sirius grumbles.</p><p>The bird hoots and kicks its foot again.</p><p>“Alright, alright,” Sirius says and removes the paper. Relieved from its burden, the owl takes off from the pillow, leaving a dusting of feathers behind as it soars out of the window. Sirius is about to toss the paper out, convinced that the bird was unable to deliver when he catches sight of a loopy unfamiliar scrawl between the lines. His eyes open wide in excitement. Lily has answered him quickly. She must know something more.</p><p><em>Sirius—<br/></em> <em>As much as I love getting post, I prefer to get it when the sun is shining. And since you woke me up with a single question, I told this bird to make sure it wakes you promptly as well. Remus is just Remus. He’s not a wizard. Other than being a bit sickly, he’s just a regular boy. Now kindly leave me alone until next Saturday, when you arrive by any means other than the Knight Bus.<br/></em> <em>Lily</em></p><p>Sirius puts the letter down, purses his lips, and furrows his brow. What did she mean by <em> sickly </em>? He gets out of bed and writes a reply, not caring that she wanted to be left alone until they were forced to see each other again next Saturday.</p><p><em>Lily—<br/></em> <em>What do you mean by sickly? <br/></em> <em>Sirius</em></p><p>He whistles for an owl and the same one returns looking a bit judgemental, if that’s a look a bird can even give. He ties the letter to its leg. “Don’t look at me like that,” he scolds the bird. “Just take this back to Lily Evans.”</p><p>The owl doesn’t return until Sirius is about to Floo back to Grimmauld Place with just enough time for him to change into dress robes for dinner with the Malfoys. The bird hoots, stopping Sirius as he’s about to step into the green flames. It flies to the mantel and extends its leg, Sirius hastily removes the letter, and waves goodbye to the Potters one more time. With the letter in hand, Sirius steps into the flames. “Twelve Grimmauld Place!”</p><p>His mother is waiting for him when he arrives in the hearth in the library with a stern expression on her face. “Get upstairs and get changed!” she roars, pointing her finger out the library doors. </p><p>Sirius scurries past her and runs up to his bedroom, skipping every other step along the way. He shuts his door and unrolls the paper. </p><p><em>Sirius—<br/></em> <em>I don’t know! He’s just sickly. Some unexplained illness that keeps him from going to school. Honestly, he keeps it to himself. Now kindly bugger off until Saturday. <br/></em> <em>Lily</em></p><p>Sirius sighs and folds the letter up, sliding it into his pocket and feeling an ache for the other boy tugging at him from somewhere within his rib cage. </p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in their friendship, Sirius is the first to wake on Saturday morning. He practically sprints into James’s bedroom and leaps onto his bed with the nonexistent grace of an erumpet, landing on top of James and crashing their heads together. </p><p>“Wake up, James,” Sirius says, rubbing his palm into the back of his head where it had collided with the front of James’s. </p><p>“Oi!” James exclaims, his eyes screwed shut, one hand reaching for his glasses, the other rubbing at his forehead. There’s already a bruise and a giant fwooper egg growing above his right eyebrow. “I was dreaming about Lily, you wanker.”</p><p>“Get up, you actually get to go <em> see </em>Lily today.” Sirius whacks James with a pillow just as he’s placing his glasses on, effectively knocking them askew. </p><p>“Lily!” James says, his eyes comically widening in his sudden excitement. He throws the blankets off of himself, covering Sirius in the process and springs to his feet beside the bed. “Wait,” he says as Sirius clambers out from under the blanket. “Why are <em> you </em>so excited? You don’t have a thing for my Lily, do you?”</p><p>“No, you tosser.”</p><p>“Then why are you so excited?”</p><p>“I’m not excited,” Sirius denies while running his hands through his hair, smoothing it back and securing it into a bit of a knot with a black elastic at the back of his head.</p><p>“Then why did you come bounding into my room at the arse crack of dawn?” James scolds, rubbing his forehead and wincing at his own touch. “You better hope my mother can fix this.”</p><p>Sirius rolls his eyes. Of course Mrs. Potter can fix it— she’s the best at healing charms and much more gentle than Madam Pomfrey back at Hogwarts, in Sirius’s opinion. “You’ll live. Now hurry up.”</p><p>“This is about the bloke across the street from Lily, isn’t it?”</p><p>“No,” Sirius denies again. “But you have to admit, it’s a bit strange that he saw the Knight Bus.”</p><p>“For the one-millionth time, there’s no way he saw it,” James says emphatically, but Sirius knows what he saw. </p><p>After an indulgent breakfast of waffles stacked high and covered in fruit and fresh whipped cream, Euphemia Potter grabs ahold of James and Sirius and apparates them to Cokeworth, leaving them with a stern reminder to keep to the statute of secrecy while they are amongst the Muggles, the last thing she says before disapparating back to Potter Manor with a promise that Mr. Potter will come to grab them later.</p><p>“So what are we doing today?” James asks Lily once his mother has disappeared.</p><p>“I thought we could go for a walk around town,” Lily suggests. “I can show you two the bakery and a few shops. You did bring some Muggle money with you, right?”</p><p>James reaches into his pocket and produces an assortment of notes of varying denominations. Neither Sirius nor James has really managed to get a grasp on how Muggle money works, though Sirius does enjoy that the paper notes don’t jangle and weigh his pocket down like galleons, knuts, and sickles do. </p><p>Sirius is only half paying attention to what Lily and James are saying. He’s looking past James’s shoulder at the house across the street where the boy who lives there is gingerly walking towards the slightly battered car parked in the driveway with what looks to be his mother— they share the same tawny-coloured curls and golden skin that is likely dusted in freckles by the summer sun. </p><p>The boy opens the car door and looks right at Sirius as he’s about to get inside. He raises his hand and gives Sirius the smallest of waves before ducking into the passenger seat. Sirius waves back, a smile and a bit of a blush embarrassingly spreading across his cheeks.</p><p>“Who are you waving at?” James says and turns to look over his shoulder. When he turns back around he has a teasing look on his face. “Oi, Sirius. It’s your boyfriend.”</p><p>“He’s not my boyfriend,” Sirius retorts.</p><p>James holds his hands up in mock defense. “No need to get your knickers in a twist.”</p><p>Sirius lets out a huff and turns to look at Lily. She’s staring at him quizzically, one red eyebrow raised as if she knows something he does not. “What?”</p><p>“Nothing,” she says. “Let’s just walk to town. It’s not far.”</p><p>Sirius remains relatively silent as they walk, his mind continuously wandering back to the boy across the street even as he watches James try and fail to get Lily’s attention in more and more outlandish ways. His efforts are surprisingly even more annoying without magic to help him. </p><p>At the bakery, Lily orders muffins and tea for the three of them and James insists on paying, handing the woman at the counter his entire stack of banknotes with an excited and wholly innocent grin on his face. The woman eyes James suspiciously and carefully takes what she needs from the pile, then hands it back to him.</p><p>“He’s not from around here,” Lily says quickly and tugs James away from the counter, pulling him out the door and leaving Sirius to figure out how to carry their treats outside.</p><p>“Need some help?” an unfamiliar, yet enticingly pleasant voice says from behind Sirius. </p><p>He turns around not knowing what to expect and finds himself standing less than an arm's length away from the boy across the street. Standing this close, Sirius can take in all the details of him. He’s shorter than Sirius and slighter in frame, his tawny curls appear soft to the touch and his eyes are golden to match the lighter streaks that the sun has put into his hair. His skin is creamy and warm with a sprinkling of sun-kissed freckles that Sirius had somehow already figured would be there. It’s the scar across the bridge of the boy’s nose that takes Sirius by surprise— he wants to know where it came from and wonders if it has anything to do with how Lily said the boy was sickly.</p><p>“Yes, please,” Sirius finally responds, shaking his head slightly as if trying to wake himself from a dream. </p><p>“You’re a friend of Lily’s,” the boy says, grabbing two of the paper cups of tea from Sirius’s hands. </p><p>Sirius nods his head vigorously, suddenly finding his words hard to come by.</p><p>“I’m Remus, by the way,” the boy says with a polite and pleasant smile on his face.</p><p>“Sirius.”</p><p>“Why wouldn't I be serious about my own name?” the boy asks. </p><p>“No, that’s my name.”</p><p>“Your name is Remus too?”</p><p>“No, my name is Sirius,” Sirius explains. “Like the star.”</p><p>Remus looks at him a bit confused. “I’m not sure many people realize there’s a star named Sirius.”</p><p>“They don’t?” Sirius questions. In truth, it’s never really occurred to him that <em> Sirius </em>isn’t something that anyone wouldn’t be familiar with. After all, his entire family is named after stars, galaxies, and other cosmic happenings, so it all seems normal to him. </p><p>“No, Sirius, they don’t,” Remus teases and laughs shyly, the sound of which causes an unfamiliar fluttering to occur inside Sirius’s chest.</p><p>“I’ve never come across another Remus, you know,” Sirius nervously tries to joke.</p><p>Remus laughs a little harder at this, taking the shyness out of it. “I don’t imagine that you would’ve.”</p><p>“Sirius!” Lily interrupts, poking her head in through the bakery door. She looks completely annoyed with him, but her features soften when she sees Remus standing beside Sirius. “Oh, hi Remus,” she says a bit surprised. “Would you like to join us?”</p><p>“I’m not sure if I can,” he says and looks towards where his mother is waiting in their car out front. “I’m supposed to go see a heal... er, a doctor today.”</p><p>Sirius looks at Remus curiously, having heard the slip of his tongue. He might not know much about Muggles, but he knows they don’t see healers. Lily doesn’t seem to have caught the slip and asks, “Are you sick again?”</p><p>“No,” Remus says. “Just someone my father wants me to see.”</p><p>“You can join us later if you want,” Sirius suggests hopefully.</p><p>“I’m not sure if I can,” Remus says again, this time more sadly. “Here.” He hands Lily the two paper cups of tea now that she’s standing with them. “I need to grab my mum’s order and go.”</p><p>“See you around, Remus,” Lily says.</p><p>Remus nods at her and turns around to order with the woman at the counter.</p><p>“Come on, Sirius,” Lily sighs. “I don’t trust James out there by himself.”</p><p>Sirius keeps his eye on Remus and thinks he sees him chuckle a bit to himself at the jibe Lily made at James’s expense. Why would he find it so funny if he wasn’t a wizard, Sirius thinks, further confirming his suspicion that there is more to Remus than Lily realizes.</p><p>“Sirius! Let’s go!” she demands from the door.</p><p>“I’m coming,” Sirius says and glares at her. Lily annoyingly raises her eyebrow at him again. He attempts to ignore it and how her look unsettles his stomach. He follows her out the door, stopping and turning at the last second to say, “See you around Remus.”</p><p>They don’t see Remus again until later in the afternoon when James and Sirius are waiting with Lily for Mr. Potter to arrive to apparate the boys back to Potter Manor. Remus and his mother pull into their driveway and Sirius watches what looks to be Remus’s father come outside and help Remus out of the car, as if he can’t do it himself.</p><p>“Remus!” Sirius yells from across the street, his hand held up high. “Come over!”</p><p>A tired smile works its way onto Remus’s face, and for the first time Sirius sees what Lily meant about Remus being sickly. He was fine earlier. The healer or doctor, whichever it was that Remus had been taken to, must not have been a very good one, Sirius thinks. </p><p>Remus waves back, but instantly brings his hand down when Sirius notices his father give him a stern look. Sirius can just make out the words on Remus’s lips as he apologizes to his father for something Sirius doesn’t understand.</p><p>“Hey boys,” Mr. Potter says, breaking Sirius from his thoughts as he appears seemingly from nowhere, and then shocking Sirius even more when he shouts across the street, “Lyall Lupin! I haven’t seen you in ages.”</p><p>Sirius, James, and Lily all whip around in shock to look at Mr. Potter, watching him casually cross the street to shake hands with Remus’s father, who has gone pale and looks to be the sick one.</p><p>“Come on boys,” Mr. Potter encourages, hailing them over. “Here’s someone I’d like you to meet.”</p><p>Practically running over, his thoughts and suspicions about Remus being a wizard confirmed in this instant, Sirius can barely contain his excitement. Why else would Mr. Potter know who Remus’s father was if he wasn’t in fact a wizard? After all, Mr. Potter has no cause to ever have dealings with Muggles outside of regular, mundane encounters. </p><p>“It’s so good to see you, Lyall,” Mr. Potter says jovially, shaking the man's hand. “I didn’t realize you were living in Cokeworth.” He takes his gaze to Remus’s mother, “Hope, it’s good to see you, looking as lovely as ever.” Sirius looks at Remus’s mum, getting a good look at her for the first time. She looks friendly and warm, but her features are drawn and tired, and Sirius wonders if whatever sickness it is that Remus has is a family disease. “And this must be Remus,” Mr. Potter continues. “Why I haven’t seen you since you were just a boy, before…”</p><p>“What are you doing here Fleamont?” Mr. Lupin interrupts, sounding completely put out by Mr. Potter’s arrival.</p><p>Mr. Potter doesn’t seem to notice, or at the very least care about Mr. Lupin’s annoyance. “I’m picking up the boys,” he says, gesturing in James and Sirius’s direction. “You remember James, he was born shortly after your boy.” James sticks his hand out and Lyall hesitantly shakes it. “And this is his friend, Sirius Black.”</p><p>Sirius extends his hand and doesn’t miss the way Lyall Lupin’s eyes widen in curiosity as he takes Sirius in when he shakes his hand. </p><p>“The boys will be here every Saturday for the summer,” Mr. Potter begins to explain, he seems to be the only one with any words at the moment. “I know Euphemia would love to see you both and how great for Remus that he can be around the boys. They’re all the same age— I’m sure they’ll get along wonderfully.”</p><p>Sirius looks at Remus and smiles at Mr. Potter’s suggestion. Spending the summer getting to know Remus is exactly the thing he’d like to do, and judging by the twinge of excitement that flits through Remus’s eyes, he might be thinking or feeling the same way.</p><p>“Er, yes,” Mr. Lupin says nervously. “Maybe the boys can spend a little time together.”</p><p>“Wonderful!” Mr. Potter exclaims. “Next week when I drop them off I’ll swing by with Euphemia. We’ll bring breakfast.”</p><p>“No!” Mr. Lupin shouts emphatically. Sirius watches Remus’s expression fall and the color drain from his cheeks. “Next week is not good.”</p><p>“Oh, right,” Mr. Potter says, his tone apologetic and almost a bit embarrassed. “The following week then.”</p><p>“Alright,” Mr. Lupin concedes and places a protective arm around Remus’s shoulders. “That should be fine.”</p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>Mr. Potter didn’t give Sirius and James any time to ask the myriad of questions that they (well, Sirius mostly) had in regards to the Lupins before he ushered them off, telling them to get cleaned up for dinner. The only thing said on the matter was that Mr. Potter wished for the two boys to be kind to Remus— a request that Sirius had already vowed to do before it was even suggested.</p><p>Now that Sirius had full confirmation that he had been right and that Remus was indeed a wizard, the concept of being able to befriend the boy was much more tangible. However, this confirmation did bring with it a whole new set of questions. Mainly, if Remus was a wizard, why was he not attending Hogwarts? And why did it appear as if they were hiding? Or at least hiding <em> something </em>? </p><p>Sirius contemplates these questions as he towel dries his hair, not wanting to ask Euphemia to perform a drying charm as it tends to make his hair staticky and a bit unruly. And just like it had been the Saturday before, Sirius finds himself anxious for answers to his questions regarding Remus now. He throws on some clean clothes, not caring that his hair is still dripping onto his shoulders, and leaves the guest room that’s been deemed his for the weekends this summer to go talk to Mr. Potter. </p><p>As he descends the stairs, he can hear the Potters talking in hushed voices over the sounds of Euphemia preparing dinner. Something in the way that they are speaking stops Sirius from barging in on them. Instead, he sits down on a middle step that aligns his ear with a heating vent that leads from one room to the next, amplifying their voices just enough for Sirius to hear them clearly.</p><p>“Lyall Lupin, of all people to run into,” Euphemia sighs. </p><p>“It was quite surprising,” Fleamont says. </p><p>“I’m sure. I mean, I understand why they left the Wizarding World after… everything. But to find them in Cokeworth?”</p><p>“Lyall must have been mortified when he realized there was a witch across the street. All that effort into hiding Remus, just to have the Wizarding World delivered to his front lawn again.”</p><p>“Was he at least happy to see you?”</p><p>“Who knows. He seemed a bit nervous and reluctant to accept my offer for breakfast. Which, by the way, you and I are providing in two weeks when we drop off the boys.”</p><p>“Why not next week?” </p><p>“You know why,” he says pointedly, and Sirius leans his ear all the way against the metal grate.</p><p>Euphemia sighs again, “Oh, right. It really is such a shame what happened to that boy. How did he seem? What does he look like?”</p><p>“Other than a scar across his face and being a bit frail, he seemed fine, just a normal boy. Smaller than James and Sirius, but Lyall was never a large man. Mostly Remus just appeared to be a bit sad. Lonely, perhaps.”</p><p>“Well, I would assume so,” Euphemia says exasperatedly. “Could you imagine how James would be if we kept him hidden from the world?”</p><p>“It’s something I don’t even want to think about,” Fleamont says, his tone sad and contemplative. He pauses, then adds, “He reminded me a bit of how Sirius can be sometimes.”</p><p>“How so?” Euphemia asks, and if Sirius could, he’d crawl through the heating duct and listen more intently. He’d never wanted to be able to use magic more in his life, desperately wishing he could use the amplifying charm they’d studied with Flitwick back in May.</p><p>“He was quiet, a bit nervous, and looked like he was waiting for someone to pull the rug out from underneath him.”</p><p>Sirius feels his stomach drop. He hadn’t realized that he had been anything other than cheerful and happy around the Potters. Keeping up an <em> everything is fine </em> facade has been one of the skills that Sirius has always been proud of, working diligently to always convince those around him that life at Grimmauld Place was as charmed as everyone assumed existence for the Black heir would be. Even more disconcerting is the thought that what he experienced at home could be going on with Remus as well. Suddenly, he feels anger and indignation rise up inside him on the other boy’s behalf.</p><p>“You don’t think the Lupins are like the Blacks, do you?” Euphemia asks.</p><p>“Of course not,” Fleamont clarifies. “I just mean that Remus seemed guarded and lonely. Hopefully James has the empathy to recognize it in this boy as well. Sirius seemed to take a shine to him.”</p><p>“Really?” </p><p>“Yes. It was quite sweet actually.”</p><p>“Let’s just hope that the boys can remain that way if they ever truly find out about Remus.”</p><p>“I think they can,” Fleamont says with confidence. “Despite what the books and laws tell you, being a—”</p><p>
  <em>THUNK!</em>
</p><p>Something large hits Sirius square in the back of his head, right on the spot that Sirius had collided with James’s head earlier that morning.</p><p>Sirius whips around quickly to see James catching a quaffle in his hands, a mischievous grin spreading across his lips that floods Sirius with a flash of anger. He rises to his feet and tackles James on the top step, sending them both careening down the stairs in a rolling heap of limbs. “You fucking wanker!”</p><p>James laughs as they tumble. “What’s got you all worked up?”</p><p>Sirius pushes off James when they crash and come to a halt in the foyer. “I was in the middle of something.”</p><p>“Yeah, snooping on the stairs from what I could see. What were you listening to?”</p><p>“Nothing,” Sirius snaps. “Just drop it.” </p><p>“You’re sure not acting like it was nothing.” James smirks and tosses the quaffle back to Sirius. Sirius manages to catch it this time and whips it back at James with the force of his anger behind it. James’s eyes widen when he catches it and his lips press together, confusion playing across his face. “What is it that you heard?”</p><p>“James. Sirius.” Euphemia pokes her head out of the kitchen and looks towards them. “Quit playing. Dinner’s ready in the kitchen.”</p><p>Sirius swallows, nods his head, and plasters a smile on his face, brushing past James and Mrs. Potter to take his seat at the table. His mind is only on Remus and everything that he’d heard the Potters say about him, and all of it causes an intense ache in his chest that he’s never felt for anyone else before. </p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>That ache in his chest follows Sirius back to Grimmauld Place when he returns the next day. It’s become such a fixture within him since the moment he saw Remus the first time that Sirius is steadily growing sure that it is just becoming a permanent part of him now. Having never felt anything like this towards anything, Sirius isn’t quite sure what to do with this feeling. Confusing him even more is that this ache can flip-flop on a knut and go from being pleasant, heartwarming, and happy to hollow, worrisome, and lonely, all of it culminating into a sense of longing that, if he’s being honest with himself, scares the dress robes that he’s supposed to wear while wandering the darkened halls of his home right off of him.  </p><p>Not that it feels like a home. Grimmauld Place hasn’t felt like home since he first left for Hogwarts almost four years prior. And now that he’s been spending so much time at the Potters’, he hates being back within these dark grey and green walls that much more, always tip-toeing around in an attempt to be as silent as a thestral.</p><p>Sirius steps back into his bedroom after having climbed the three flights of stairs and diligently avoiding the creaky ones, not wanting to remind his mother that he is even here. He just hopes the bruise on his cheek fades before the weekend rolls around. Judging from what he overheard, the Potters aren’t going to buy that he tripped and fell again.</p><p>With the door shut, Sirius lets out a long, slow breath. Normally in these moments, he thinks of life at the Potters’ house— running around and making copious amounts of noise with James, eating Euphemia’s expertly prepared spreads of food, and listening to Fleamont always supplying a joke or antidote for anything and everything. However, this week those thoughts have quickly shifted to Remus Lupin. </p><p>Something about the way Mr. Potter said that Remus reminded him a bit of Sirius has him thinking, and that thinking has absolutely nothing to do with the ever present dull ache he’s been feeling in his chest. He wonders if Remus feels as lonely and out of place in his home as Sirius feels in his. </p><p>Whether he’s hiding in his room or trying to stealthily move through the halls of Grimmauld Place, he never feels truly at ease here. At times, he feels like a ghost of himself— an empty, only half formed Sirius Black. At Hogwarts, or even just at the Potters’, he’s bright and enigmatic, full of energy and confidence, even a little devil may care. But at home, he retreats into himself— he has to if he wants to survive in this place. </p><p>James has never been able to understand this— not that Sirius has ever really tried to explain it to him outside of small hints and the occasional too-close-to-the-truth joke, both of which always fly right over James’s head. A part of Sirius is grateful for that. He can relax; James doesn’t treat him with the care one gives occamy eggshells. But another part of Sirius wishes James just naturally understood. </p><p>The more time alone Sirius spends in his room, only ever being briefly checked in on by his brother or told to come down to dinner, Sirius wishes more and more that he was able to talk to Remus. No longer wanting to wait until Saturday to speak to the other boy again, Sirius in his loneliness and frustration suddenly remembers that Remus is, in fact, a wizard— and wizards have owls, so Sirius sits to write Remus a letter in hopes of starting communication with him. </p><p><em>Remus—<br/></em> <em>I hope this doesn’t seem odd. I mean, I know it’s odd, we’ve only just met, but you seem a decent bloke, so I thought I’d say hello. James and I will be back in Cokeworth on Saturday. We’re doing a summer project with Lily Evans. Would you like to join us? I know you don’t go to Hogwarts, (why is that by the way?), but we’re working on Muggle Studies with her. Do you study that too? </em></p><p><em>Write back! Hope to see you Saturday!<br/></em> <em>Sirius Black</em></p><p>Sirius rereads the letter, crumples it up and curses himself for sounding like an idiot, then smooths it out and rereads again. He doesn’t know what else to say or how else to say it, he just knows he wants to read a reply. He wants Remus Lupin to want to talk to him. </p><p>With the letter folded properly this time, Sirius pushes open his window and whistles for a bird, his eyes on the aviary in the center of the courtyard below. One of the many black and grey speckled owls silently soars to the window and Sirius wastes no time attaching the letter to the birds outstretched leg. </p><p>“Take this to Remus Lupin in Cokeworth,” Sirius directs. “And stick around for a reply in case he doesn’t have his own owl.” The owl hoots softly at Sirius, then just as silently as it had arrived, it takes off again, flying high over the rooftops of London. </p><p>Sirius leaves the window open even though it’ll be hours before he receives a reply, if he gets one at all. He’d hoped sending the letter would make him feel better, but instead a new sensation has crept into the space inside his chest to join the ache. He’s nervous— nervous like he’s been only one other time before, when the sorting hat yelled Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. </p><p>The hat had given him a choice with a vague warning that, at the time, made no sense to Sirius. It still doesn’t, but the hat’s words have been winding their way through his mind as of late. </p><p>
  <em>“You’re cunning and ambitious, like all Slytherins are, but I see you’re also courageous and loyal enough to be a true Gryffindor. In Slytherin, you’ll find yourself surrounded by what’s familiar; in Gryffindor nothing will be the same. In Slytherin you will have security that will last a lifetime, but in Gryffindor you’ll be given the opportunity to let your heart and true self be free.” </em>
</p><p>If you’d asked him then why he’d chosen Gryffindor, he’d tell you it was because of the impression a certain messy haired boy in glasses had made on him on the train. But now, looking back, he can admit it was the opportunity to let his heart and true self be free— something he is finally feeling like he might be on the precipice of discovering, even if that precipice is proving to be a bit disorientating. </p><p>When the black and grey speckled owl returns the next day, Sirius’s heart leaps into his throat when it appears with a soft hoot on his windowsill. Sirius rushes to remove the letter and hands the bird twice the treats he normally would, which is still more than anyone else in the house does. </p><p><em>Sirius—<br/></em> <em>I’m so pleased to have gotten your letter as I’ve never received owl post before, nor have I had an owl watch me write a letter. He was most eager to bring back my reply. Be sure to thank him for me. </em></p><p>
  <em>Unfortunately, this Saturday I will not be able to join you. The following week will be better. And since you’re working on Muggle Studies I might be able to help you. My mum’s a Muggle and we do most things the Muggle way at home. </em>
</p><p><em>What’s Hogwarts like? I’d love to have gone, but I never received my letter.<br/></em> <em>Remus</em></p><p>Reading Remus’s reply, Sirius’s feels both better and worse. He’s calmed by Remus’s lack of hesitation to write back, anxious to write his own reply, happy that he’d been the first person to ever send Remus an owl, which conversely makes him sad that no one else has ever bothered. He’s also excited that Remus would like to see him and even help with his Muggle Studies, but disappointed he has to wait another week. The prospect of waiting sets Sirius’s features into a pout that he internally scolds himself for. </p><p>He shouldn’t have been surprised that Remus couldn’t join them this Saturday— Mr. Potter had said something to that effect the other day when Sirius was listening in on him. But he’d never actually heard an explanation, seeing as how James had hit him with a quaffle at the moment one was given. Sirius’s pout turns into a scowl and he sets his pen to paper to write Remus again. </p><p><em>Remus—<br/></em> <em>Hogwarts is incredible! I’ll tell you all about it when I get to see you again. Why didn’t you receive your letter? Hogwarts is supposed to accept everyone with magic. Is it because you’re sick? I’m sorry if that’s bold of me to ask. It’s just, Lily had mentioned it and you said you were seeing a healer. Well actually, you said doctor, but I caught the slip before you corrected yourself. You don’t have to answer that. Only if you want to, I mean. Write back regardless! I like writing to you. <br/></em> <em>Sirius</em></p><p>Just like before, Sirius finds himself holding a reply from Remus rather quickly. </p><p><em>Sirius—<br/></em> <em>My father says I’m not to talk about why I never received my Hogwarts letter, but since you already guessed, it is because I am sick, if you can call it that. But I’m really only affected a few days a month, otherwise I’m mostly fine and it isn’t a problem. </em></p><p><em>I’m looking forward to seeing you again, and please continue to write, as I enjoy it as well. <br/></em> <em>Remus</em></p><p>Sirius lets his eyes rake over the letter multiple times looking for clues as to what it is that Remus has that would keep him from Hogwarts. Maybe it’s a Muggle disease? Can wizards get Muggle illnesses outside of the common cold? </p><p>It isn’t until Sirius reads the letter for what must be the tenth time that it dawns on him that Remus said he was looking forward to seeing him. A furious blush creeps up from the ache in his chest pinkening his neck and cheeks, and Sirius finds he doesn’t mind the sensation at all. So, instead of worrying much about it, he simply lets himself smile. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>July</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius removes the two weeks’ worth of letters from Remus from his shoulder bag and tucks them under the pillows on his bed at the Potters’ house. He’d brought them with him for the weekend, not wanting to risk leaving them in his bedroom at Grimmauld Place as his mother has taken up the habit of having Kreacher search his room ever since he was sorted into Gryffindor, always sure that he was getting into things she wasn’t going to approve of— and Sirius is sure that Remus is something Walburga was not going to approve of. He does, at least, have the foresight to realize that bringing the letters with him to see Remus is completely unnecessary.</p>
<p>With the letters stowed for safekeeping, Sirius runs down the stairs, anxious to leave for Cokeworth on the arm of either Mr. or Mrs. Potter. He almost knocks James over in the process, earning him a yelp and a playful tackle in the foyer, almost knocking Mrs. Potter over while she’s precariously juggling a basket full of food that Mr. Potter had promised they’d bring with them to the Lupins’ when they drop off James and Sirius with Lily. </p>
<p>“Careful boys,” Euphemia says lightly. There’s not an ounce of annoyance in her tone, but Sirius involuntarily cringes at first, sure that she is going to react the way that Walburga would at almost being knocked over by two rambunctious teenage boys. “Lily Evans will never say yes to a date with you, James, if you show up covered in breakfast.”</p>
<p>“Mum!” James whines and Sirius snickers into his shoulder. </p>
<p>“What? You’ve only been going on and on about her all summer. You’re not fooling anyone,” she says and attempts to smooth down his hair. James quickly ducks out from under her hand.</p>
<p>“Has he been trying to hide it?” Sirius teases. “I’ve been listening to him go on about Lily ever since first year.” </p>
<p>“Hey,” James protests and pushes at Sirius’s shoulder. “You’re one to talk. You haven’t shut up about Remus all summer and you hardly even know him.”</p>
<p>“That’s different!” Sirius snaps and James just looks at him deadpan. “It is!”</p>
<p>“Tell that to Mary and the other girls when we see them at the end of the month,” James says, his eyebrows raised high and a smirk on his face. </p>
<p>Sirius rolls his eyes in response.</p>
<p>“Ready everyone?” Mr. Potter asks as he enters the foyer with his arms laden with two more baskets of food.</p>
<p>“Yes, let's get Sirius to his boyfriend before he bursts,” James says.</p>
<p>“He’s not my boyfriend.”</p>
<p>“Tell that to the letters in your bag.” </p>
<p>Sirius huffs in annoyance. Why was James harping on this? “There are no letters in my bag.”</p>
<p>“No? Move them to under your pillow then? James says with a lopsided grin that Sirius wants to punch off of his face. “You did, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>“No!” Sirius denies and James looks as if he’s about to run upstairs to check.</p>
<p>“Enough,” Mrs. Potter says. “We’re running late already.”</p>
<p>“And remember what I said to the both of you,” Mr. Potter adds. “Be nice to Remus. He’s no different than either of you.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Dad,” James says at the same time Sirius says, “Yes, sir.”</p>
<p>They walk outside together and Sirius loops an arm around one of Mrs. Potter’s, then  they disapparate with a <em> pop </em>, landing them on the walkway leading to the Lupins’ front door. Mr. Potter and James land a step behind. Lyall is already waiting for them, eager to usher everyone inside.</p>
<p>Sirius looks around. The Lupin house is modest yet inviting, and for all intents and purposes it looks like any other Muggle home. There are pictures of them all strewn about the house in mismatched frames, all of them frozen and still with no traces of magic to capture them in action on the day the photos were taken. He spots a larger one on an end table near the sofa, an image of the Lupins all together. Unlike the rest of the photos displayed around the house, this one is moving. </p>
<p>Sirius takes a few tentative steps closer while the adults exchange pleasantries in the entryway behind him. Upon closer inspection, he can see the photo is at least ten years old. Remus is very young, standing no higher than Lyall’s hip. He looks bright and excitable, full of an energy that Sirius has never seen him express in the brief moments that they have spent together. In the photo, he’s running around Lyall’s and Hope’s legs, stopping and laughing and looking up at both of his parents. His parents look youthful and hopeful as well. Lyall’s wand is out and he’s producing large colorful bubbles that Remus is chasing around his parents. They look like the model wizarding family, a complete flip of the sickle that they look today.</p>
<p>“Leave it to a wizard to find the one wizarding photograph we have in the house immediately,” Remus’s voice jokes from behind Sirius.</p>
<p>Sirius whips around quickly, almost knocking the photograph over in the process, and his cheeks flush as he takes in the sight before him. Remus is standing near, and Sirius doesn’t know how he sneaked up so silently. His hands are in the pockets of his corduroys that are loose and practically hanging off of his hip bones. He’s wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt despite the summer heat, the words <em> Velvet Underground </em>, which Sirius doesn’t understand, emblazoned across the front. His hair is slightly mussed and Sirius can see three faint lines, like a scratch from a dog he doesn’t think the Lupins have stretching from his jawline down his neck and sneaking below the collar of his shirt. Sirius represses the urge to close the gap between them and hug the other boy. It’s a strange pull he’s never felt towards anyone— not James, not his parents, not even his little brother. </p>
<p>“I’m surprised my father didn’t hide it actually,” Remus says, reaching around Sirius to pick it up. He looks at it fondly, almost wistfully, adding a bit of nostalgia to his softened features. </p>
<p>“How old were you here?” Sirius asks.</p>
<p>“Four,” Remus responds, looking away from the picture.</p>
<p>“Your dad’s using magic?” Sirius needlessly points out, his tone taking on the form of more of a question. </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Remus agrees a bit sadly, “this was before... everything.” He reaches around Sirius to place the photo back down and quickly changes the subject. “Would you like to see my room? I have all sorts of Muggle things up there.”</p>
<p>“Do you have a telly?” James asks loudly as he appears beside them. Sirius had almost forgotten that James was even there. </p>
<p>“No,” Remus laughs. “I don’t have my own telly. But I do have a record player and loads of Muggle records!” </p>
<p>“Alright,” Sirius says, the ache in his chest blooming pleasantly at the excitement in Remus’s voice and on his face at the mention of the Muggle records, whatever that means.</p>
<p>What it means turns out to be one of the most transformative moments of Sirius Black’s life. From the moment the needle on the Muggle contraption presses down onto the black disk, Sirius’s life is changed. It’s as if all of his senses have been amplified in an overly stimulated way.</p>
<p>“What is this?” Sirius asks, picking up the cardboard envelope that Remus had pulled the round disk out of. He looks it over and suddenly Remus’s shirt makes more sense. <em> The Velvet Underground </em>arcs across the top layered over a cloud of pink smoke floating out of what looks like an entrance to the tube in London. But not the tube— it’s different. American maybe.</p>
<p>Remus laughs at Sirius’s ignorance and response to the music, but Sirius doesn’t mind. “It’s rock and roll,” he says. “The Velvet Underground. You’ve never heard it before?”</p>
<p>Sirius just shakes his head. “Does it all sound like this?”</p>
<p>“No,” Remus says softly. “There’s all different kinds. But this is what I like.”</p>
<p>“I like it too,” Sirius agrees, grinning excitedly in Remus’s direction. His body heats up when he realizes Remus is looking at him with the same expression. </p>
<p>“It’s a bit odd,” James says, spinning a different cardboard envelope around to show Sirius the image on the front. It’s a man holding a microphone. He’s wearing no shirt and what looks like makeup. James tosses it onto Remus’s unmade bed and Sirius scrambles after it, picking it up off of the duvet like it’s a priceless treasure. </p>
<p>“Don’t be such a prat, James,” Sirius admonishes, annoyed on Remus’s behalf at the carelessness that James had treated his possession. Sirius holds and stares at the record reverently. </p>
<p>“The Stooges,” Remus says, holding one of his hands out. Sirius places it into his hand and Remus slides the disk out into his other hand and exchanges it with the record spinning on the turntable. “You’ll like this.”</p>
<p>And like it, he does. It’s harsher, more raw than the Velvet Underground, and Sirius feels his head begin to bob by its own volition. </p>
<p>“I told you,” Remus says, flipping through the crate his records are in, seemingly searching for something specific. </p>
<p>“I don’t get it,” James says. “Do you think Lily is into this stuff?”</p>
<p>James’s question causes Remus to laugh even more. “Yeah James, she likes music.”</p>
<p>“But like this specifically?” </p>
<p>“Maybe not The Stooges, but yes, she likes music,” Remus says and pulls another record from the crate. He slides the disk out and passes the cardboard sleeve to Sirius. The image on it is a drawing of a man and what looks like two women, every one slightly canine in nature around each other, the words <em> Diamond Dogs </em> etched into the floor they are drawn on. Remus changes the record again. “I can promise you she likes <em> Rebel Rebel </em>.”</p>
<p>“So it’s bad boys she’s into,” James muses, and Sirius and Remus laugh uproariously together at him.</p>
<p>“I don’t think that’s your problem mate,” Sirius says patting James on the back.</p>
<p>“Definitely not,” Remus agrees.</p>
<p>“Oi! What do you know?” James protests.</p>
<p>“I know a little bit more about Lily than you do, I’m guessing,” Remus teases, and Sirius feels an even greater kinship towards Remus because of it.</p>
<p>“You’re not in love with Lily too, are you?” James asks with genuine fear in his voice and his eyes.</p>
<p>“No, definitely not,” Remus says, holding his hands up. </p>
<p>“Good. You seem a decent bloke. I’d hate to have to fight you for her.”</p>
<p>“She’s all yours mate,” Remus says, and Sirius catches him shyly looking in his direction. It causes his stomach to flip in response. </p>
<p>“Speaking of,” James says. “Where <em> is </em> Lily?”</p>
<p>And as if he had summoned her, the doorbell rings from downstairs. James’s eyes go wide and his eyebrows kick up in excitement.</p>
<p>“Remus dear, Lily is here,” Hope Lupin calls from below them.</p>
<p>James shoots out of the room like a phoenix and thunders down the stairs. Sirius stays behind and watches as Remus turns off the record player. His movements are light and deliberate as if he is protecting something, but whether that’s the record player or himself, Sirius isn’t quite sure. </p>
<p>“You can take that with you, if you’d like,” Remus says pointing at the David Bowie record in Sirius’s hands.</p>
<p>“I have nothing to play it on,” Sirius says, turning it over in his hands again to look at the cover.</p>
<p>“Then you can come here and listen to it whenever you like.”</p>
<p>“Really?”</p>
<p>“Yes, really,” Remus says with a warm and inviting smile on his face. “I’d like it if you did.”</p>
<p>Sirius nods his head in response. “I’d like that too,” he says, a smile spreading across his lips at the idea of being able to come listen to music with Remus again. </p>
<p>_____ </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later that night at the Potters’, Sirius continues to hum the melodies from the songs that Remus had played for him earlier that day, letting the songs weave around each other as he commits them to memory to help him get through the days when he returns to Grimmauld Place, and to keep Remus near to him while he’s so far away. It’s that last thought that makes Sirius feel as if he’s standing on shaky ground. Why on earth would he feel such a way?</p>
<p>“Could you stop humming?” James asks from the other side of James’s bed where the two boys are flipping through the comic books that they had purchased earlier that day under the guidance of Lily and Remus. They’re full of  bright, colorful pictures, funny quips, and scenes full of action and ideas and magic that even the wizarding world could not come up with.</p>
<p>Sirius looks over the top of his copy of Captain America at James and scowls. “What’s it to you?”</p>
<p>“You’ve been doing it all night, ever since we got back.”</p>
<p>“So? I like it.” Sirius shrugs and returns to his humming.</p>
<p>“You only like it because <em> Remus </em>likes it,” James says, as if he knows anything about Muggle music. </p>
<p>Sirius puts his comic book down and twists his face into a smirk. “Oh really? So is this your way of admitting you only like the Bee Gees because Lily does?”</p>
<p>“No!” James emphatically denies. </p>
<p>“Right.” Sirius laughs and picks his comic book back up, eager to read more about Steve Roger’s hunt for Bucky Barnes. He doesn’t get very far before James’s copy of Wonder Woman comes flying across the bed, flatly smacking him on the cheek. “You tosser! What was that for?”</p>
<p>“You know what! Insulting my Lily flower’s taste in music. Like you know any better,” James huffs and crosses his arms like an indignant and overly indulged child.</p>
<p>“She’s not your Lily flower,” Sirius says laughing even harder and rolling his eyes. “And the Bee Gees were terrible.”</p>
<p>“No more terrible than that ‘Rock &amp; Roll’ you were listening to with Remus,” James argues, dramatically using air quotes to emphasize his point. </p>
<p>“Just admit that you didn’t like the Bee Gees,” Sirius says. He’d seen the look on James’s face when Lily turned up the volume on her Muggle wireless while the boys waited for the Potters to finish up with the Lupins and apparate them home. James, Remus, and Sirius had all made the same face of disgust, and Remus visibly cringed the moment James’s face brightened up and he exclaimed that they were amazing when he saw Lily begin to shake her shoulders and hips to the beat. </p>
<p>“Fine, they were just as terrible as the Violet Aboveground that you’ve been raving about all day,” James says, a conspiratorial smirk on his face.</p>
<p>“The Velvet Underground,” Sirius corrects. “And you’re wrong. They are actually great. Pure artists.”</p>
<p>“Artists!” James laughs. “What has gotten into you? Since when do you care about art?”</p>
<p>“Since always,” Sirius protests.</p>
<p>“Since Remus, more like,” James says under his breath using his foot to grab ahold of the comic book he’d flung at Sirius moments ago.</p>
<p>Sirius goes silent, unsure how he feels about the implications of James’s words. Sure, Remus had been the one to introduce Sirius to Muggle music, and that had awakened something in him— a brightness, an excitement for something bigger than himself, and he had liked that, for all intents and purposes, it seemed to be something for him and Remus to enjoy together, seeing as how James clearly wasn’t open to it. </p>
<p>“It’s okay,” James says, not looking up from his comic and breaking the silence that befell the both of them, “If you like him like that.”</p>
<p>“Like what?” Sirius asks nervously, pretending to still be reading his own comic.</p>
<p>“Like I like Lily,” James says matter of factly, one eyebrow raising while his eyes stay trained on his comic.</p>
<p>Sirius thinks this over carefully before responding. “I’m not in love with Remus,” he says. “I just like hanging out with him. We have similar interests.”</p>
<p>James laughs at this. “Interests he’s only just introduced you to today.”</p>
<p>“Oh, shut up,” Sirius says. </p>
<p>But James, in Sirius’s, experience has never been one to quit, especially when he feels like he’s on to something. “It’s just, you look at him like I look at Lily.”</p>
<p>“I do not,” Sirius denies.</p>
<p>“You do though,” James says thoughtfully. “You get all flustered and a bit silent as well. You brood.”</p>
<p>“I do not,” Sirius denies again. “And that’s the opposite of how you look at Lily, by the way.” He places his now unread comic book down across his lap. “You turn into a complete git who’s impossible to be around when you get near Lily. Practically knocking everything over as you try and fail to get her attention. I’m pretty sure that’s not how I act around Remus. I act like myself around Remus.”</p>
<p>“Yes, and you brood, with this dog eyed look on your face,” James says. He places his comic book down now and looks intently at Sirius, studying him. “Even now, your cheeks have gone all red. You’re flustered and we’re only talking about him.”</p>
<p>“I am not!” he shouts, though Sirius can tell that he is. </p>
<p>“Sirius, it’s not a big deal. It’s fine, whatever it is,” James concedes, trying to calm Sirius back down before he works himself up into a complete strop. “All I’m saying is that if you feel some sort of way about Remus, it’s fine. It explains a lot actually.”</p>
<p>“A lot like how?” Sirius asks, his eyes averted from James.</p>
<p>“Well, your complete uninterest in Mary to start,” James says slowly. “She’s the fittest girl in our year, second only to Lily, of course. And I do catch your eyes lingering sometimes at the sixth and seventh year boys. I thought it was envy, like I have of their quidditch skills, but it always seemed like something else.”</p>
<p>“I’m not gay,” Sirius says quietly, his hands playing with the hem of his shirt. But even as he says it, the words don’t feel right on his tongue and all he can think about is how much he’d like to be sitting on his bed with Remus instead.</p>
<p>______</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Back at Grimmauld Place and seated to the right-hand side of his father who’s at the head of the table, his brother beside him, and his mother across from him, Sirius sits in relative silence idly eating his dinner. He attempts to ignore his mother who is glaring at him over the edge of her second goblet of fine French wine, and tries to keep thoughts of Remus from creeping into his mind, sure that at times his mother is a capable legilimens.</p>
<p>“Sirius,” Walburga says sternly, breaking Sirius from his non-thoughts about Remus. He looks across the table at her with startled eyes. “Your father was talking to you.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Sirius says around a sip of water. “What were you saying?”</p>
<p>“I was saying,” Orion speaks pointedly, “that the Parkinsons are coming over for dinner Saturday and you are required to be here.”</p>
<p>“I can’t on Saturday, I have my Muggle Studies project,” Sirius tries to argue, though he’s less concerned about his Muggle Studies than he is about missing a day with Remus.</p>
<p>“Muggle Studies, what a ridiculous field of study,” Orion drawls. “I have half a mind to have you removed from that class as it is. Out consorting all summer long with Muggles and mudbloods and blood traitors. What a waste of time.”</p>
<p>“It’s not a waste of time,” Sirius says, immediately regretting the words as they escape his mouth. </p>
<p>Walburga lets out a false laugh; Regulus shrinks a little in his seat beside Sirius; Orion places his fork down on his plate and smoothes his hands across the cloth napkin spread across his lap. </p>
<p>“That’s quite enough Sirius,” he says calmly. “Now, your mother and I have chosen to look past your slight on this family by being placed in Gryffindor and we’ve excused your friendship with the Potter boy due to his blood status— even if they are a bunch of blood traitors. But we have our limits. And when we say you need to be here for dinner, we mean it.”</p>
<p>Sirius begins to feel panic bubble up inside him, and he tries to think of a way around his father's demand but can’t think of anything reasonable outside of, “I can be back in time for dinner!” he says frantically. “But I need to go.”</p>
<p>Orion sucks in a breath and lets out a long sigh. “Sirius, things are changing and we Blacks need to strengthen our position. This dinner is pertinent for our future and it’s time we start looking into you fulfilling your duty as the heir to this house.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?” Sirius asks slowly.</p>
<p>“I mean that it’s time we started looking for a match for you. The Parkinsons are a proper family, well connected and their daughter, from what I hear, is quite lovely.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to get married!” Sirius exclaims.</p>
<p>“It won’t be for a while,” Orion assures him, as if that makes any difference to Sirius who is steadily growing more and more sure that even the thought of kissing a girl is unlikely, let alone marrying one. “A wedding would be years away, but it’s best to get these things lined up now.”</p>
<p>Sirius swallows thickly, though it feels as if it’s going to come back up immediately. “May I be excused?” </p>
<p>Orion peers down his nose at him and nods his head. Sirius wastes no time rising from his seat and rushing out of the room. He barely makes it to the ensuite of his bedroom before he’s vomiting up the small bits of his dinner that he had managed to eat. </p>
<p>He rinses out his mouth in the sink and wipes his slightly sweaty face dry with a towel. Placing his hands onto the sink basin to steady himself, Sirius studies his face in the mirror. He still has a boys face, but it’s seamlessly shifting to that of a man. It’s not that his cheeks are thinning out or that his jaw is hardening, it’s more that the bones of his face are sharpening, becoming more defined. His nose runs elegantly down the center, creating a perfect separation between the symmetrical planes of his aristocratic face, and his shapely brows hover confidently over his sparkling grey eyes. His eyes are glistening slightly, but not with the shine of the star that Sirius is named for, and he watches as his eyes begin to leak, draining all the thoughts and dreams he had for himself out of his system. </p>
<p>Summer is only halfway through, and everything in Sirius’s life is rapidly changing. His parents are trying to marry him off and use him in their bid to further their standing and importance in the wizarding world, which is supposedly changing. But in the grand scheme of things, that’s not even the hardest detail of his young life to wrap his head around. </p>
<p>It’s his now undeniable feelings for Remus that have set his world askew. Once James had practically given them voice the night before, Sirius could no longer deny them— at least not to himself. He wants Remus, and he feels pulled toward him by an unexplained force he’s never experienced before. It’s frightening and at times makes him feel dizzy, as if Remus is the only thing that can right him and hold him steady and Sirius longs to hold him as well. Even though he’s never held him before Sirius can imagine what Remus would feel like wrapped in his arms, and not being able to do it makes him feel empty. The thought of having to wait an extra week before he sees Remus again makes Sirius feel a yearning that opens in his chest and threatens to swallow him whole. </p>
<p>Wiping the underside of his eyes dry, Sirius moves into his bedroom, intent on lying down and letting the exhaustion he’s feeling overtake him. However, all thoughts of rest are removed from him when he notices a large barn owl staring at him from his windowsill. Sirius lets the bird in and removes an overstuffed brown envelope from between its talons. The bird turns his head as if it’s trying to commit Sirius’s room to memory and Sirius gently strokes the bird from head to tail feather as he turns the envelope over to reveal Remus’s scratchy scrawl on the paper. </p>
<p>Sirius’s heart rate picks up and his emotions take a rapid upswing, going from despair and longing, to excited and hopeful. He feeds the bird a few treats from his stash and dives onto his bed with Remus’s package in hand. He carefully unties the twine holding the envelope closed and slides out what appears to be a book. Sirius turns it over in his hands— the cover is made of supple black leather and there’s a letter to Sirius written on the first page.</p>
<p>
  <em>Sirius—<br/></em>
  <em>I’m so glad that you enjoyed The Velvet Underground, The Stooges, and David Bowie as much as I do. I have so many more bands and musicians to introduce you to, but in the meantime, I made you something to keep them in your mind until I see you again on Saturday. I know you don’t have a record player and that even if you did, it’s unlikely that it would work in your home anyway because of the magic, so I created a solution. In this book you will find a song on each page. I used a neat bit of magic my father showed me to transfer memories into the paper. It won’t show you anything, but the music will come through when you tap your wand to the page you’d like to listen to and say PLAY. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> See you soon!<br/></em>
  <em>Remus</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>P.S. Don’t worry, this book contains zero disco. </em>
</p>
<p>Sirius turns to the next page. Song one is <em> Oh! Sweet Nuthin’ </em> by <em> The Velvet Underground. </em> He reaches for his wand that has been resting on his bedside table and presses the wand tip to the page. “Play,” he whispers and closes his eyes, letting the music, and by association Remus, wash over him.</p>
<p>_____</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On Saturday morning, Sirius has decided that lying on his bed all day listening to the music that Remus has imbedded into the journal is the best use of his time. He’d tried to no avail to get his father to listen to reason and to at least let him go for half the day, but just like before, Orion remained steadfast in his refusal to let Sirius go. And knowing his son at least a little bit, had also warned him that if he thought sneaking out was a good idea he’d be sorely mistaken. Sirius knows all too well what that ‘sorely’ entails, so instead he’s worked himself into a complete and solitary sulk.</p>
<p>Just as he’s truly getting comfortable in it and learning how valuable music and most especially The Velvet Underground is in helping to set the tone when one is already in a bad mood, Sirius’s melancholy is interrupted by the tapping of talons on his window. Curious and more than a little hoping that this owl is bearing a message from Remus, Sirius moves to the window and lets the bird in. </p>
<p>
  <em>Sirius—<br/></em>
  <em>You may not have been able to come to Cokeworth, so we came to you. However, James didn’t tell us that your house was unplottable until we got here and sure enough there is nothing between Numbers 11 and 13. Hopefully, we are not currently making fools of ourselves and terrifying your neighbors by staring intently from the park bench across the way as we wait for you to come outside.<br/></em>
  <em>Remus</em>
</p>
<p>Sirius’s eyes light up and as if he’s had way too much caffeine, he shoots down the stairs, and runs out the front door. Sure enough, Remus, James and Lily are seated where Remus said they’d be, though Remus is the only one who is looking at him when he steps off the front stoop. James is too busy staring at Lily who is visibly blushing and desperately trying not to smile as she looks off in the opposite direction of not just Number Twelve, but Grimmauld Place in general.</p>
<p>Remus bends his arm at the elbow to lift his hand, smiles, and gives Sirius a wave with his fingers. He stands as Sirius approaches and Sirius, who’s overjoyed with happiness and excitement at the sight before him, can’t resist the urge to embrace him. </p>
<p>“Remus!” he exclaims as he wraps his arms around the other boy, relishing in the fact that it feels almost exactly like he had imagined it would, except this is better. In his imagination Remus had never hugged him back, and right now, much to Sirius’s relief, Remus seems to be just as at home here in his embrace as Sirius feels. </p>
<p>“Hello to you too,” Remus says briefly squeezing Sirius a little bit tighter before he releases him. Sirius steps out of his hold and sees James looking at him knowingly, and Lily is looking at Remus as if she knows something as well. </p>
<p>“Hey, Sirius,” James says a beat too slowly, one eyebrow raising, lips curling up into a smirk. “No hug for me?”</p>
<p>Sirius glares at James and reluctantly pulls him into a one-armed brotherly hug as he asks, “How’d you get here?”</p>
<p>“Well, they only said you and I couldn’t summon the Knight Bus, but they never said anything about Lily or Remus,” James explains and the four of them all breakout into equally mischievous grins.</p>
<p>“What time is this dinner you have to attend?” Remus asks.</p>
<p>“Guests are due to arrive at five,” Sirius explains, his eyes momentarily locking on Remus’s.</p>
<p>“Sirius Black!” Walburga bellows from inside the doorway of their home. Sirius’s head snaps around in her direction. “Get back in here!”</p>
<p>“Is that your mum?” Lily asks in regards to the disembodied voice that’s coming from the direction of Sirius’s still invisible home. Her eyes widen in trepidation as Sirius subtly nods his head at her.</p>
<p>“Wait here,” he says nervously to his friends. “I’ll be right back.”</p>
<p>On quick feet, Sirius hurries back inside under the gaze of his mother whose eyes narrow more the closer he gets. Her lips purse together causing deep lines to crease her noble face.</p>
<p>“Where do you think you’re going?” she asks immediately. “And who are those miscreants with James Potter out there?”</p>
<p>“Those are my friends Remus and Lily,” he says. “They came here for Muggle Studies today since I couldn’t go there.”</p>
<p>“You think I’m going to let you walk around Muggle London? Sirius, I thought you were smarter than that.” She looks outside over his shoulder, sneering down her nose at the three teenagers who are likely standing awkwardly wondering where Sirius has disappeared to.</p>
<p>“Please,” Sirius pleads, happy his friends can’t see him at this moment. “Just for an hour. I’ll do anything you ask later.”</p>
<p>“The only thing I ask is that you learn to behave like a proper member of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, Sirius. This Muggle Studies nonsense and consorting with that red-headed harpy outside are not proper behavior of a boy of your status.” </p>
<p>“Just this once, please,” Sirius tries again, then switches his tactic. “They’re already here. It would be shameful to turn them away.” </p>
<p>“The Potter boy, maybe,” Walburga scowls. “And who’s that other boy? This Remus? Who are his family?” The questions come in quick succession. </p>
<p>The memory of Lyall Lupin’s nervous face at the moment he’d been recognized by Fleamont Potter flashes through Sirius’s mind. “Prewitt,” Sirius quickly lies, practically shouting the first name that comes to mind. Then more calmly, he repeats, “He’s a Prewitt.”</p>
<p>“There are a lot of those,” Walburga says skeptically. “I guess all of them don’t have that horrid red hair.” She finally looks away from the waiting teenagers outside and looks at her son sternly. “Fine, you can go,” she says. “But just for an hour and you’re taking Regulus with you. He’ll be honest about any trouble you get into.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Sirius says, letting out a sigh of relief at the exact moment Walburga screeches Regulus’s name.</p>
<p>Sirius is all smiles as he and his brother rejoin his friends outside, happy to have even just this hour with Remus.</p>
<p>“What’s mini Sirius doing with you?” James asks.</p>
<p>“My name is Regulus,” Regulus corrects with all the haughtiness befitting their family name.</p>
<p>“Excuse me, sir,” James teases dramatically, lifting his hands up in mock surrender. “To what do we owe the honor of the presence of the great and wonderful Regulus Black.”</p>
<p>“Oh, do shut up James,” Lily scolds, then turns and introduces herself to Regulus, who looks startled at being spoken to by her. Sirius can’t decide if it’s because he hates the idea of associating with a Muggle-born or if he thinks she’s pretty. He hopes it’s the latter. </p>
<p>“We don’t have much time,” Sirius says. “Where are we going?”</p>
<p>“I spotted a thrift shop just down the way while we were on the Knight Bus,” Remus says. “We can go there.”</p>
<p>“Alright,” Sirius agrees smiling in Remus’s direction.</p>
<p>“Why on earth would we want to go there?” Regulus asks, his voice in a heavy drawl with too much breath. </p>
<p>“Because it’s fun, Reggie,” James says, shaking his head at Regulus and clearly enjoying having someone around to tease that isn’t Sirius.</p>
<p>Regulus glares at James, then whips his head around to look at Sirius. “No wonder mum and dad are so wary about you and the company you keep.” </p>
<p>“Shut up, Regulus,” Sirius sighs as he and Remus begin to walk in the direction of the store that Remus had seen. </p>
<p>“And who’s this?” Regulus asks, gesturing at Remus. “I’ve never even seen him at Hogwarts.”</p>
<p>“That’s because I—”</p>
<p>“You don’t know everybody who goes to Hogwarts Reg,” Sirius snaps and cuts Remus off before he can finish. Feeling bad, he turns and gives Remus a silent apology, and Remus nods his head in understanding. Sirius notices the faint blush of embarrassment creep up his neck and cheeks.</p>
<p>The remainder of the walk for Sirius is done in a silence that Sirius is desperate to break but doesn’t know how. He chances the occasional glance in Remus’s direction, checking to make sure that the other boy is okay and hopes that James’s chattering away in Lily’s direction is enough to keep Regulus’s focus on him instead of Sirius. It appears to be working, or maybe Regulus is just completely exasperated by the four of them.</p>
<p>Walking into the thrift store, Sirius doesn’t know where to look first. It’s far different than Madam Malkin’s in Diagon Alley or Touch of Muggle, the only wizarding store that sells everyday Muggle items including clothing for wizards looking to blend in with Muggle life. The selection here is vast and far more individually expressive than anything Sirius has come across before. He’s gotten this far wearing nothing but dark denim and black T-shirts or bits of his Hogwarts uniform whenever he’s not forced to wear traditional wizard’s garb. He feels inside his back pocket for the wad of Muggle currency that he’s been storing in there all summer for these outings. </p>
<p>“Come on,” Remus says, grabbing ahold of Sirius’s hand. “Let’s get you some proper band T-shirts.”</p>
<p>The feel of Remus’s hand in his causes Sirius’s body to warm and an effervescence to bloom inside of his chest. He grips it a little tighter and is rewarded with a gentle squeeze from Remus as well. </p>
<p>Sifting through the racks of clothes, Remus places different items into Sirius’s hands, telling him with each one that he’s sure to like this band, or that this person is new but going to be huge, or that these pants are all the rage, or that Sirius must own this pair of black boots. Sirius happily holds them all. They’re making their way to the cashier when Sirius spots one more item. A leather jacket, no longer than a waistcoat, black and perfectly distressed from the previous owners’ wear. It has large silver hardware for the zipper and snaps that keep it closed.</p>
<p>“What about this?” Sirius asks pointing at the mannequin it is displayed on. He’s pleased to see a broad smile spread across Remus’s face.</p>
<p>“Try it on,” Remus says, excitedly grabbing the other clothes that Sirius is holding onto from his arms.</p>
<p>Sirius pulls the jacket off of the mannequin and smooths his hands over the soft, supple leather. It’s one of the most magnificent things that Sirius has ever held onto. He quickly puts it on and looks at himself in the mirror. He’s not sure how to describe what it is that he sees of himself in this jacket— it’s unlike anything he’s ever seen any other wizard wear before. It’s more reminiscent of the pictures on Remus’s Muggle records. He looks at Remus through the mirror.</p>
<p>“You look cool,” Remus says honestly, causing Sirius to flush and making him feel anything but cool. </p>
<p>“Cool,” Sirius repeats looking at himself in the mirror. He meets Remus’s eyes again and something within them stirs Sirius’s insides, making butterflies come to life within, and for the first time in his life, Sirius wonders what it would feel like to press his lips against someone else’s. </p>
<p>_____</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Walburga had been none too pleased with Sirius upon his arrival back to Grimmauld Place after finding out that not only had they gone to a Muggle thrift store, but that they’d brought Regulus with them, and she most certainly didn’t want to hear Sirius when he reminded her that it was her idea for Regulus to go with them in the first place. </p>
<p>Sirius is just glad that he had had the foresight to send his newly acquired clothes and decidedly prized leather jacket home with James instead of bringing them back to Grimmauld Place. It was a bit of last-minute genius on his part, knowing that she was likely to check any bags he brought into the house, and even more likely that she would dispose of whatever was inside. The fit she threw when Regulus told her where they had gone and that Sirius had spent a fair bit of Muggle money at the store was enough to remind Sirius that even his little brother could not be trusted. </p>
<p>And as if to emphasize that point, when Sirius had returned to his room after a solid berating from his mother he found that it had been disturbed. The journal of music and his collection of letters from Remus had been too carefully placed back underneath his pillow, his linens were no longer rumpled, and the few innocuous items strewn about were slightly moved, leaving his usually disheveled room a bit too orderly. </p>
<p>Sirius sighs, the last little bit of joy he’d received from the day being sucked out of him at the realization that he truly is alone in this house. And making matters worse, he still has an overly formal dinner to attend. </p>
<p>He’s just finishing tying his hair back after changing into dress robes when he hears tapping on the window. An owl is waiting on the other side, looking at Sirius curiously. He removes the letter from the bird and opens it quickly. </p>
<p>
  <em>Sirius—<br/></em>
  <em>I hope we didn’t get you into too much trouble today. Your mum seemed right pissed, even though I couldn’t see her. Try to enjoy your dinner, and remember to smile and nod all night even if it kills you to do so. I’m not sure my ‘Break Sirius out of Grimmauld Place’ plans are quite up to snuff now that I’ve seen, or more accurately, not seen the magic that you live under. Hope to see you next weekend!<br/></em>
  <em>Remus</em>
</p>
<p>The doorbell rings, sending an eerie and foreboding eight-note chime throughout the home as Sirius finishes reading the letter. He slides it under his pillow with the rest— a response will have to wait until after dinner. </p>
<p>“Sirius!” Walburga bellows. </p>
<p>At her call, Sirius hurries out of his room, down the stairs, and into the parlor where his mother, father and brother are waiting. He looks the picture perfect heir, despite the scowl on his face. </p>
<p>“Behave yourself tonight, Sirius,” Walburga says under her breath, twisting the sensitive skin on the back of his upper arm. </p>
<p>Sirius winces and she twists harder. He grits his teeth both to hide the sharp pain and to mimic something that resembles a smile as he says, “Yes, mother.”</p>
<p>The mark of her fingers from gripping his arm has turned a deep purple by the time Sirius is excused from dinner and allowed to retreat to his bedroom. He examines the mark in the mirror as he changes out of his dress robes, kicking them into the corner in a heap and silently hoping he never has to wear them again. </p>
<p>Dinner had been terrible. The Parkinsons were the prototypical pureblood fanatics and their daughter, Viola, did nothing but ogle Sirius all night long. He was desperate and jittery, anxious to get out from under the microscope of pureblood posturing and back to his room to listen to Remus’s music and to answer his letter. </p>
<p>
  <em>Remus—</em><br/>
  <em>Dinner was awful! Have you ever had anyone stare you down like you were something that could be purchased? If yes, then I’m sorry. If no, consider yourself lucky. But I behaved well enough that I should still be able to come to Cokeworth next weekend. Maybe you and I can listen to more records? However, if I get locked away again, you better get the escape plan perfected as I’d hate to miss seeing you again. Leave James out of it though, his plans and pranks tend to be over the top. <br/></em>
  <em>Sirius</em>
</p>
<p>Once the owl flies out of Sirius’s view, he gets into bed, sliding his bare legs between the cool sheets. He rests one hand on his belly, the other cradles the back of his head, and he lets out a heavy sigh as he thinks back on his day. </p>
<p>He’d gone full circle in half a day’s time. Starting sullen and angry, resigned in his disappointment in having to stay home, to elated and relieved when his friends (and most importantly, Remus), had shown up at his door. Their afternoon together had been perfect. Well, as perfect as it can be once you’ve realized that all you want to do is kiss your friend. </p>
<p>Sirius imagines that scenario in his head over and over again, his mind filling in the blanks that his lack of experience has left behind. But it’s one thing to hug your friend like he’d spontaneously done earlier in the day, it’s quite another to kiss them. How does one even know if someone is interested in kissing them back? </p>
<p>He’s only ever seen James get rejected by Lily, who Sirius is convinced will never like James the way he likes her, or <em> loves </em> her as he claims, and suddenly Sirius finds himself having a whole new understanding for James’s plight. But even at that, James has it easier. After all, boys are meant to kiss girls, not other boys. </p>
<p>It’s with these thoughts that Sirius falls into a fitful sleep. Flitting between half and full consciousness, he twists and turns beneath the covers, his mind melding together different parts of his day as it weaves in bits and pieces of Sirius’s growing desire for Remus to be near. </p>
<p>He wakes in a panic in the middle of a strange and startling nightmare. His father was drawling on about a Dark Lord of some kind and werewolves doing his bidding, a perfect replay of idle dinner chit chat. It morphed gradually to tie in Remus. He was at the dinner, looking sickly and nervous, like he had when Sirius had first met him. The last image Sirius saw, was the beginning of Remus transforming into a werewolf in front of him and everyone else at the table.  </p>
<p>He tries to shake the image from his brain, but it won’t go away. He knows it was a dream, that none of it was real, despite the fact that it felt very real. Stranger still though, is the way he’d reacted in his dream. Instead of being repulsed by the sight and hating the monster that was before him, he only wanted to comfort Remus and tell him everything was going to be alright. </p>
<p>_____</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All week long Sirius struggles with shaking the image of Remus from his dream. He’s constantly reminding himself that it’s just something his subconscious conjured up and put together out of the bits and pieces of his day. When Saturday morning comes along and it’s time to see Remus again, it’s met with even more urgency from Sirius to get there. He can barely contain himself as he and James stand on the stoop of Lily Evans’s home. James knocks on the door and Sirius turns to look over his shoulder to the house across the street. </p>
<p>“Oh just go over there,” James says with a smirk on his face. “Don’t want to keep your boyfriend waiting.”</p>
<p>“He’s not my boyfriend, James.”</p>
<p>“But you wish he was,” James says pointedly. </p>
<p>“I don’t even know what that means,” Sirius grumbles and rolls his eyes.</p>
<p>“Sure you do,” James says looking directly at him and holding his gaze. “It means you want to be with him all the time, hug and most likely kiss him. Do nice things for him and take him places.”</p>
<p>He’s not wrong, Sirius thinks as the urge to be near Remus grows even larger throughout his entire being. He looks at James skeptically. “Is that how you feel about Lily?”</p>
<p>“That and more, but I love Lily,” James says wholeheartedly. “Wait, you don’t love Remus do you?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know!” Sirius exclaims, even though he does know. As scary a thought and feeling that it is, Sirius knows without a doubt that he is in love with Remus, despite also knowing that he shouldn’t be. </p>
<p>James quirks an eyebrow at him as Lily opens the door. “Hey Evans,” he says brightly as he turns to face her instead of Sirius as if they were not just having the conversation that they were. </p>
<p>“Come on in,” Lily says moving out of the way to usher them inside. “Everyone else will be here soon.”</p>
<p>Sirius looks over his shoulder again and across the street towards Remus’s house. “I’ll be right back,” Sirius says, and turns on his heel to go see Remus, not wanting to wait for him to come to Lily’s.</p>
<p>Remus opens the front door before Sirius reaches the walkway. “Hello, Sirius.”</p>
<p>“Hey, Remus,” Sirius says as he walks past Remus and into the Lupins’ home. He hears the door shut gently behind him and is surprised by what he sees when he turns to look at Remus. He’s a bit peaky with dark circles under his eyes, and his lips appear to be dried out as if he has been chewing on them. He somehow looks thinner and frailer, and the scar across the bridge of his nose is more apparent, standing out against his pale and dull skin. Sirius spots a few more scars. One on his neck that sneaks below the collar of his shirt, and one across his left hand that he’s trying to cover with the sleeve of his oversized jumper— one that he shouldn’t even be wearing on this hot summer day. </p>
<p>Whether it’s because of the sight of him at this moment or the recollection of his dream from a few nights earlier, Sirius needs to feel Remus in his arms now. He pulls Remus against his chest before he can come up with a reason not to. “Remus, are you alright?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, Sirius,” Remus tries to reassure him, wrapping his arms around Sirius’s waist and unabashedly burrowing himself into Sirius’s chest and neck, but Sirius isn’t convinced. With his arms around him, he can feel all the bones of his upper body and a fever-like warmth radiating off of him as he practically sags into Sirius’s hold. </p>
<p>“You’re not fine,” Sirius says. “You can barely stand up.”</p>
<p>“Sirius, I’m fine. Really,” Remus says again though he makes no attempt to leave Sirius’s hold. In fact, Sirius feels him squeeze a little tighter, making Sirius realize that he’s not too weak after all. “Come on, I have a few new records I want to play for you. Did you bring the journal?”</p>
<p>“I did,” Sirius says nodding his head and letting his chin knock a bit into Remus’s shoulder which elicits a laugh out of Remus. </p>
<p>“Good,” Remus says through his laugh and loosens his grip on Sirius. “But you’re going to have let me go.”</p>
<p>“Never!” Sirius says playfully, spurred on by Remus’s laugh against his neck. He envelopes him even more fully, his hands moving swiftly, fingers tickling at Remus’s sides.</p>
<p>“Sirius!” Remus squeals, half-heartedly trying to push Sirius’s hands away. He’s laughing wildly, his head thrown back and Sirius relishes in the delighted sound of his laughter, the pink flush of his previously drawn and sickly cheeks, and most of all, the way he says Sirius’s name.</p>
<p>“Remus,” Hope Lupin interrupts poking her head out of the next room. Sirius rapidly lets go of Remus and the two extricate themselves from one another, both boys blushing furiously. “Remember what your father said, you need to take it easy today.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Mum,” Remus says a bit breathlessly, but Sirius doesn’t miss the faint smile that still plays on his lips.</p>
<p>“Hello, Sirius dear,” she says, her eyes flickering over in his direction. She has the same faint smile on her face that Remus does. “Take care of him today for me, would you?”</p>
<p>“Yes ma’am,” Sirius says. She holds Sirius’s gaze for a moment longer, then smiles more broadly, one eyebrow raised making her appear to know something that he doesn’t.</p>
<p>“Come on,” Remus says and grabs onto Sirius’s hand and leads him upstairs to his bedroom, taking slow and careful steps the whole way. </p>
<p>“Are you sure you’re alright?” Sirius asks again.</p>
<p>“I’m fine. This happens to me every month. I’m used to it.”</p>
<p>“But what is it?” Sirius asks, almost pleading for Remus to tell him.</p>
<p>Remus stops as they enter his bedroom. He closes the door with his free hand and the other lifts their intertwined fingers to his eye level. He looks to regard Sirius’s hand thoughtfully. “I can’t tell you that, Sirius.”</p>
<p>“Why not?” Sirius steps closer to Remus, tilting his head down to look more directly at the smaller boy. </p>
<p>“Because I can’t answer it,” Remus says, his eyes wide and his voice full of remorse and sadness. </p>
<p>Looking down at him, standing this close, Sirius can’t decide if he wants to kiss him or shake him. Kiss him, because he’s dying to know what his lips would feel like pressed against his. Shake him, because he thought they were friends and that Remus would feel like he could tell him what it is that he has. </p>
<p>“Please, Sirius. I’m sorry. I wish I could.” Remus bites his lip between his teeth and it makes Sirius’s mind up for him. </p>
<p>Bringing his free hand to Remus’s shoulder, Sirius drops his head further down and presses his lips to Remus’s. In the brief moment that their lips touch, Sirius feels how impossibly warm and soft that they are, and any lingering thought that he had left in him that denied that he was gay went right out the window. This chaste kiss with Remus, the way it made his entire being flutter from the inside out, is all the confirmation that he needs. When Sirius pulls back and reopens his eyes, it’s to see Remus staring up at him even more wide-eyed than before. Sirius feels his stomach drop and it takes all the warm fluttering feelings with it. </p>
<p>“I-I-I’m sorry,” he stutters out. He removes his hand from Remus’s shoulder and tries to unlace their fingers, but Remus’s grip is surprisingly strong.</p>
<p>“Don’t be,” Remus says. He rises on the balls of his feet and kisses Sirius again. “I like it. I just wasn’t sure if you were like me.”</p>
<p>Sirius lets out a sigh of relief and grabs ahold of Remus again. He buries his head into Remus’s curls and closes his eyes tightly, attempting to stem the sudden stream of tears and emotion that has welled up inside of him. When he feels Remus’s hand gently run through his hair, he becomes weak in the knees and now it is Remus’s turn to hold him up as he sags against him. </p>
<p>“Remus. Sirius,” Hope Lupin calls from downstairs. “Your friends are outside.”</p>
<p>“Okay Mum,” Remus calls back over Sirius’s shoulder. “We’ll be right down.”</p>
<p>Sirius loosens his grip on the other boy and takes a tentative step backward. Remus smiles warmly at him and steps forward, giving him one more quick kiss before he grabs onto Sirius’s hand again and leads him back downstairs and out the front door, only letting go when everyone else comes into view. </p>
<p>For the rest of the day, Sirius can think of nothing else besides their kiss. Well three kisses actually, but it’s all the same to Sirius. He stays close to Remus, close enough that he can subtly touch him as they explore town, close enough that he can keep an eye on him and occasionally catch the glances that Remus throws in his direction. He wants nothing more than to kiss him again. He wants to deepen that kiss. He wants to kiss Remus forever. </p>
<p>By the time the late afternoon comes around and it’s time to begin the journey back to Lily’s home, Sirius can’t take it any longer. He stalls a bit, and holds Remus back with him, keeping them at the end of the line of all of Sirius’s friends. With everyone’s backs to them, Sirius grabs ahold of Remus’s hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. He smiles shyly when he feels Remus squeeze back.</p>
<p>“Lupin,” a familiar drawling voice calls from behind them. </p>
<p>Remus quickly lets go of Sirius’s hand and tries to quicken his steps, tripping and falling on an uneven bit of pavement in front of him. He lets out a wince and Sirius drops to his knees beside him. He looks towards the voice. Snape.</p>
<p>“Out a little too close to moonrise, aren’t you Lupin?” Snape sneers out as he approaches.</p>
<p>Sirius furrows his brow, trying to make sense of Snape’s words.</p>
<p>“Leave him alone!” Lily yells as she runs back to where Remus has fallen.</p>
<p>“What are you going to do about it, mudblood?” Snape says with venom in his voice.</p>
<p>“What did you say to her?” James says, his wand raised in Snape’s direction.</p>
<p>“What a group you all make,” Snape says peering over his nose at all of them. “Mudbloods, and blood traitors, and a filthy monster to boot.”</p>
<p>Sirius rises to his feet and points his wand at Snape. </p>
<p>“Severus, please,” Remus pleads from the ground.</p>
<p>“Please what, Lupin?” </p>
<p>Sirius looks back and forth between the two. Snape is practically salivating, like a predator about to snatch its prey, and Remus has shrunk in on himself, his oversized jumper pulled as far down over his hands as it will go, his knees pulled into his chest, and his eyes glistening in fear.</p>
<p>“Please don’t tell your new friends that you’re a werewolf? A filthy dark creature?” Snape haughtily laughs in Remus’s direction and his eyes narrow as he looks to everyone around. “That’s right Lupin, I figured you out.”</p>
<p>Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius can see the bulk of their group take a few steps away from Remus. Sirius stands tall beside him and offers his hand down for Remus to use to help himself back up. Sirius heard Snape’s words— he just finds that he doesn’t care. Snape had called him a monster, a filthy dark creature; none of which Remus is. </p>
<p>“Go back to whatever shit hovel it is you crawled out of,” James says loudly, his wand still raised high and pointing at Snape as he steps to the other side of Remus.</p>
<p>“You think I’m scared of you, Potter? You can’t do anything to me here.” Snape raises his wand, pointing it at James. </p>
<p>“To hell I can’t,” James yells back. </p>
<p>“You and Black, both the same. All talk, no action. You could never beat me in a duel.” He sounds so sure of himself, and Sirius doesn’t miss the way his wrist moves back, ready to strike. </p>
<p>“<em>Stupify! </em> ” Sirius yells at the same time James yells, “ <em> Expelliarmus!” </em></p>
<p>Snape gets hit by jets of red and white light. He falls back into the grass and his wand flies into James’s outstretched hand. </p>
<p>“Nice one, James,” Sirius says, then turns his attention back to Remus. Remus looks like he’s going to be sick, but Sirius pulls him into his chest and holds him close. “I don’t care about what he said,” he whispers quietly into Remus’s ear.</p>
<p>Remus is opening his mouth to respond when Lyall Lupin comes running into view. He stops a few strides away from Sirius and his son. To Sirius’s relief, he doesn’t look to be bothered by the embrace he finds Remus and Sirius in. He only looks concerned.</p>
<p>“Remus,” Mr. Lupin says gently at the exact moment that Ministry officials, the Potters, and much to Sirius’s dismay, his own parents, apparate around them. Unlike Mr. Lupin, his mother and father look completely disgusted at what it is that they see. </p>
<p>Sirius quickly lets go of Remus and watches as his father takes his gaze from the boys to Lyall Lupin. He narrows his eyes and his lips purse together. </p>
<p>“So this is where you’ve been hiding him. Greyback will be so happy to hear what I found today.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>August</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The fallout from the incident in Cokeworth is swift and Sirius finds himself locked in his bedroom for the fifth day in a row. He hasn’t seen anyone in days (as his food is being magicked to him by Kreacher), and even Regulus has stopped trying to speak to him through the keyhole in the door. The only solace Sirius does have is his journal full of music and the occasional owl from Remus or James. </p><p><em>Sirius—<br/>
</em> <em>Are you sure you’re alright? Your parents looked right pissed when they saw you. Well, saw us actually. Which, what are we? We didn’t get a chance to figure that out. I’m sorry if that’s too forward. It’s just, I really fancy you and I think you fancy me as well. And I don’t have much experience with this. <br/>
</em> <em>Remus</em></p><p>Sirius reads and rereads this letter over and over again. Remus fancies him. He feels the same way that Sirius does, or at least partially, as Sirius is positive at this point that he more than fancies Remus— he loves him. The three quick kisses that the two of them shared in the privacy of Remus’s bedroom have left Sirius reeling, flip-flopping between overly excited, smiling widely and breaking into fits of laughter to suddenly feeling empty and infinitely more lonely while he’s locked away in his third-floor bedroom of Grimmauld Place. If he thought longing for Remus was impossible before, it’s been made even more desperate now that he knows what it feels like to kiss him, to hold him and be held by him. However, reading this letter, Sirius can calm and soothe himself with the knowledge that Remus feels it too.</p><p><em>Remus—<br/>
</em> <em>Don’t worry. They’re mad, but they’re largely leaving me alone by confining me to my room. However, I don’t think I’ll be making it to Cokeworth on Saturday. How’s your break-out plan coming? We might need it soon as I’d like nothing more than to see you again, now that I know that you fancy me back. As far as what that makes us, I’m not sure. Boyfriends? Only if you’d like though.<br/>
</em></p><p><em>Hopefully yours,<br/>
</em> <em>Sirius</em></p><p>Sirius has just finished securing the letter to the bird and is letting it fly out the window when his bedroom door is pushed open. </p><p>“Sirius!” Walburga barks. “What do you think you’re doing?”</p><p>He turns around quickly to face her and all the color drains from his face as he does. There’s no point in responding, she knows exactly what he was doing, Sirius only hopes she doesn’t realize who he was writing to, as he has been strictly forbidden from ever seeing or speaking to Remus again. Conveniently, they never said anything about letters, but Sirius isn’t about to argue that fact. </p><p>“Who were you writing to?” she asks with a scowl on her face. </p><p>“James,” Sirius quickly lies, but he can tell by the look on her face that she suspects he is lying. </p><p>She takes another step into his room and Sirius watches her eyes scan the space, his heart racing in the vicinity of his throat as she takes in the room. He sees it at the same moment she does, the most recent letter from Remus lying open on his bed. He makes a dive for it.</p><p>“<em>Accio</em>, letter!” Walburga says and the letter slips through Sirius’s fingers. He can only sit back in horror as he watches her read it, her face twisting into a look of firm disgust as she does. “Filthy stain on this house,” she grumbles as she uses her wand to burn the letter, letting the ash fall slowly to the floor in front of Sirius. Sirius feels his eyes well up. He’s only had that letter for a few short minutes and it already meant more to him than everything except the journal full of music. “Honestly Sirius, what is your problem? You have to make everything so difficult. Bad enough you were consorting with a werewolf, but you had to go and fall for <em> him </em> as well. It’s unnatural, all of it.”</p><p>Sirius doesn’t know what to say and even if he did, he’s not sure he’d actually be able to speak now anyway. He just sits on his bed and stares at the dusting of ash at his mother’s feet. </p><p>“That letter you just sent wasn’t to James!” she roars. “It was to this filthy vile thing.”</p><p>“He’s not filthy or vile,” Sirius says, her vitriol finally fueling him to get his words back.</p><p>The crack across his face is swift and quick. “You better hope none of the sacred families hear about this, Sirius. You’ve brought shame to this house.”</p><p>“It’s not shameful,” Sirius argues, swallowing thickly around the lump in his throat. </p><p>“Keep talking, Sirius. You’ll be lucky if your father and I let you out of this room for the rest of the summer. And don’t even think for a moment that you will ever see Remus Lupin again.” </p><p>“I love him,” Sirius says almost inaudibly, surprising himself as the words escape his lips, as if they needed to be spoken in order for it to be real. He wishes he could pull them back in as he braces himself for the second swift crack that lands across his face, his mother’s signet ring cutting him just below his right eye. </p><p>“<em>Love him</em>. What a ridiculous concept,” she sneers as she walks out of his room, locking the door behind her from the outside.</p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>Sirius is still being kept in his bedroom when the second Saturday in August rolls around, taking away any hope that he’s holding onto that he will be allowed to leave and see Remus again. At this point he’s wondering if he’ll even see outside of his bedroom before it’s time to return to Hogwarts. Worse yet, he never received a reply from Remus to his last letter. Actually, he hasn’t received an owl from anybody, not even James.</p><p>He’s not naive enough to believe that his best friend and potential boyfriend have forgotten about him. It’s far more likely that his mother is intercepting his owls. That would also explain the change in food that Kreacher is sending up for him. It was full meals before, now Sirius is lucky to get a sandwich and water. </p><p>Rolling over on his bed to lie on his side, Sirius flips the page in his journal to turn to the next song, <em> Sunday Morning </em>, even though it’s only Saturday. With the music keeping him company, Sirius rereads the letters from Remus he’s kept hidden. </p><p>He’s about halfway through the third one when he hears the telltale creaky sixth step on the stairs leading to the third floor. He quickly folds the letters and places them in the journal then closes it to shut the music off and slides it under the waistband of his trousers against his low back, pulling his shirt over it to conceal it against his body. He grabs ahold of the book his mother tasked him to read, <em> For the Greater Good </em>, a manifesto of sorts for pureblood supremacy. Sirius hasn’t read one word of it, nor does he plan to.</p><p>The door swings open and reveals Kreacher in the threshold, an evil grin on his face. “Masters request the presence of the ungrateful brat in the parlor.” </p><p>Sirius pushes himself off of his bed and grabs his wand from the bedside table. He slides his wand into his back pocket and brushes his hand over the journal, a quick reminder that it’s still there. His heart is racing in anticipation of what, exactly, his parents are going to say to him as he makes his way down the three flights of stairs and into the parlor. </p><p>“Sirius, take a seat,” his father says sternly at his arrival, pointing at the sofa that his mother and father are both looming in front of. He silently sits down and crosses his arms over his chest, using it as a gesture to show his displeasure in them but also to protect himself from whatever is coming his way. “I’m not sure what it is that you are trying to accomplish with this little phase of yours, but it stops now.”</p><p>“It’s not a phase,” Sirius interjects.</p><p>“Whatever it is, your father and I didn’t raise you to be a <em> homosexual. </em>You’ve brought enough shame on this house without engaging in this type of behavior,” his mother states harshly.</p><p>“It’s not shameful,” Sirius says quietly and thinks, how can loving anyone be shameful? It’s something he’s thought a lot over the days that he has been locked in his bedroom. His parent's reaction to what they saw was expected. However, Sirius vividly remembers the look on Lyall Lupin’s face when he saw Remus and Sirius together. He looked happy about it, relieved and softened to see someone else take such a liking to his son, almost as if he never thought it was possible. Not for the first time in his life, Sirius knows for sure that his parents are wrong.</p><p>“Not shameful!” Walburga roars at him, making him push himself further into the cushions of the sofa. </p><p>Orion holds up his right hand and effectively silences his wife. He takes a deep breath and looks directly at Sirius, his expression unreadable, but it hardly ever is. Orion Black has never been someone who shows emotions of any kind. It’s not that he’s stoic, it's more that he’s cold and calculating and never willing to expose his hand. “Regardless, Sirius, your involvement with this boy ends today. Arrangements are being made for you and the Parkinson girl. I don’t want to have to use an unbreakable vow on you, but I will if you continue to willfully disrespect this family and your place in it.” </p><p>“Father…” Sirius begins to argue but is cut off by the back of his mother’s hand swiftly colliding with his face. </p><p>His father fixes him with a stern look, then speaks as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. And in a way, it hasn’t, Sirius taking a hit across the face from his mother has become the norm in Grimmauld Place. “Sirius, it ends. You are not to write to this boy or go anywhere near him again.”</p><p>“Not that it will matter soon enough,” Walburga quips and smirks at Sirius’s father, then quietly says as if it’s only for Orion to hear, “now that Greyback knows where the boy is.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sirius asks, panic rising up in him.</p><p>“It means that this little problem with your <em> boyfriend </em>,” she says with disdain, “will be taken care of by someone else.”</p><p>“Not now, Walburga,” Orion snaps harshly with one of his eyebrows raised in warning. </p><p>She nods her head at Orion, her already pale face losing even more color as she sits in the high backed chair across from Sirius.</p><p>“What did you do?” Sirius yells and rises from the sofa. An image of the look of complete fear that washed over Remus’s and Lyall’s faces at the mention of this Greyback when his father first said it to them.</p><p>“Nothing that concerns you, Sirius.” Orion takes a threatening step toward Sirius. “Now do as you’re told, forget about this boy, and get back in line with the priorities and your standing within this family.”</p><p>“No!” Sirius shouts again. “What did you do?”</p><p>“Sirius! It doesn’t concern you!” Walburga shouts back.</p><p>“If it concerns Remus, it concerns me. I love him!”</p><p>Sirius is knocked to the ground, the force of the curse coming from his mother's wand so swift and so fierce that he misses her bellow the incantation. Though he didn’t have to hear it to know what it was. Only one curse in existence can produce that kind of incomparable pain and distress, the <em> Cruciatus </em>.</p><p>The moment Sirius is released from the curse he staggers to his feet with labored breath. His eyesight is blurry, his movements are shaky and his hearing is disjointed, as if everything is happening through the tunnel created to connect one place to another by a portkey. He can barely think straight. His mind is racing, trying to tie things together. Trying to reconcile the fact that his mother just used an unforgivable curse on him and more importantly, that his father has put a target on Remus’s back and revealed his location to someone it is clear that he is in danger of.</p><p>At this moment, Remus is all that is important to Sirius. He doesn’t care about his standing as the heir of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, his mother and father, or his room full of his possessions. All he cares about is Remus. The sorting hat had warned him about this. That choosing Slytherin and therefore his family, everything would remain the same, but if he chose Gryffindor, his heart would be free. Right now he’s being given another choice— and he chooses Remus.</p><p>“Get back to your room! You disgust me!” Walburga yells again, though he barely hears it through the way his senses are all still muffled and his ears are ringing. </p><p>“No,” he thinks he says out loud, but he’s not sure if he is even capable of creating sound at this moment.</p><p>“Sirius,” the sound of his father’s voice breaks through the ringing in his ears. “Don’t make this harder on yourself than you need to.”</p><p>“No,” Sirius says again and this time he knows that his voice was loud enough for everyone to hear. He’s standing tall, staring them down, knowing that there is no going back to the life he was expected to lead, and he doesn’t want it anymore anyway.</p><p>“<em>Crucio! </em>” his mother shouts, her wand pointed directly at him. </p><p>This time Sirius is ready for it. He grits his teeth, closes his eyes, holds his breath and thinks only of Remus. He holds onto the memory of Remus laughing and playing music for him, he can even hear the notes faintly in the background. He feels nothing and everything at once, his system overwhelmed with the conflicting sensations of his happiness and love for Remus mixed with the pain and despair that is his family.</p><p>When Walburga releases him from the curse, he’s able to breathe and move again. On nothing but a force of sheer will, Sirius runs out of the parlor and heads straight for the front door. With only the clothes he's wearing, his wand and the journal in his back pocket, Sirius exits Grimmauld Place for what he vows to himself will be the very last time. </p><p>He runs across the street, narrowly avoiding a lorry and jumps the fence to get into the Muggle park, running as fast as he can to reach the next street where he hides himself in a sea of people who are moving through their day. His parents aren’t the types to run and shout after him, but he knows he’s not safe from them, and someone needs to warn Remus and his mum and dad about what it is that Orion has done. </p><p>Sirius takes a left and walks down a quiet street of row homes, not dissimilar from the one that he grew up on and grabs his wand. He holds it steadily out in front of himself, and hopes beyond hope that even though he’s not supposed to summon it, it comes for him anyway. Within seconds it appears, arriving with its usual <em> BANG </em> and <em> HONK-HONK </em>. Sirius quickly climbs aboard, hands over the small collection of knuts and sickles he has in his pocket and barely breathes out his destination. “Cokeworth.”</p><p>He stumbles to a seat and presses his head against the cool glass. He closes his eyes and begins to catch his breath, letting the knowledge that he’s on his way to Remus calm his frazzled nerves.</p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>The journey from London to Cokeworth on the Knight Bus goes by in a flash and flurry of images for Sirius. His eyes take in the scenery surrounding them as they speed by but he can’t quite focus on what he’s seeing. His thoughts race and flit between what he just experienced at home and getting to Remus. His body aches and his head is pounding with every beat of his heart, and he’s not sure what he needs more, to make sure that Remus is okay, or for Remus to assure him that everything is going to be alright as his body and mind continue to grapple with his current reality. The selfish part of him thinks it’s the latter. But after everything he’s just been through, he’s not sure how selfish it really is to want to find comfort in someone else.</p><p>When the bus finally pops into Cokeworth and Sirius sees the Lupin house come into view, he lets out a huge sigh of relief and runs his hands through his hair, giving the long strands a gentle tug as if pinching himself to make sure he is not dreaming. His relief only lasts as long as it takes for him to step off the bus and onto the curb outside of their home. </p><p>“Sirius?” Lyall Lupin says sounding more than a little stunned to see Sirius walking up the lawn. Sirius watches Lyall look him up and down, his eyes widening in concern as he looks at what Sirius knows is a very bedraggled version of himself. And If Sirius thought he looked bad before, he’s sure he looks worse now when he realizes that Lyall Lupin is packing up their car, loading it with boxes and bags of their belongings. </p><p>“You’re leaving,” Sirius chokes out and takes a stumbling step forward. Lyall Lupin is quick to catch him. </p><p>“Come on son, lets get you inside.” Sirius hears the sound of the car doors shutting and locking behind them without Lyall saying an incantation as he’s led into the house. The door closes behind them and Lyall calls out for his family. “Hope! Remus!”</p><p>Sirius sees Hope appear from the kitchen and he hears light but quick footsteps coming down the stairs as Lyall gently sits him down onto the sofa. He jumps a bit when he feels Hope brush his hair away from his face as she sits down. </p><p>“Sirius!” Remus exclaims when he gets to the bottom of the stairs. Sirius notices his voice go from excited to panicked once he gets a look at Sirius. “What’s happened to him?”</p><p>“I’m f-fine,” Sirius tries to say, his eyes darting between the three of them. </p><p>“You’re not fine,” Hope says and starts to look him over for any physical damage.</p><p>“You won’t find anything,” Lyall says softly. “The Cruciatus curse leaves no visual evidence.” Remus and Hope both suck in a breath. “He needs rest.”</p><p>“And some proper care,” Hope says and pulls Sirius into a hug. He feels himself relax into her hold. It’s similar to the way Mrs. Potter hugs him, motherly but in her own way. It’s softer, more gentle and practiced, born from someone who is well versed in caring for magical wounds that not even magic can fix. It soothes him and helps him focus more. </p><p>His eyes catch onto Remus’s and he begins to feel his words come back with more surety. “You’re not safe here.”</p><p>“We know,” Lyall says from somewhere behind him. “It’s why we’re leaving.”</p><p>“You were going to leave without telling me?” Sirius asks a bit shakily with his eyes still on Remus.</p><p>“I did,” Remus says. “I wrote you a letter.”</p><p>“You didn’t say where we were going in that letter, did you, Remus?” Lyall asks.</p><p>“No, just that we were leaving and I’d tell him where we were going when I saw him again,” Remus says honestly. “Why? Didn’t you get it?”</p><p>“My mum intercepted my letters.”</p><p>Hope squeezes him a little firmer. “Well, we’re not going anywhere right now.”</p><p>“Hope,” Lyall says warningly. “We can’t stay here.”</p><p>“I know,” she says and gestures Remus over to Sirius’s other side. “But he needs rest. Remus, take him up to your room, I’ll check on the two of you in a bit.” Remus nods his head and helps Sirius up off the couch, carefully leading him up the stairs. Sirius hears Hope say to her husband, “You’re a wizard, figure out a way to make this place safe for another night or two.”</p><p>Once in Remus’s room, Remus closes the door behind them and wraps his arms around Sirius. Sirius holds him back and takes a deep breath then smiles when he feels Remus place a light kiss onto his neck. He pulls away enough to bring his hands to Remus’s cheeks and tilt his face up so that Sirius can lean down and kiss him properly. It’s not a passionate kiss or anything that Sirius has read about in the Muggle novels he’s read for Muggle Studies. It’s chaste and quick and he follows it up with three more. </p><p>“What happened?” Remus asks as he guides him to his bed. </p><p>“I left,” Sirius sighs and sits when he feels the mattress hit the back of his legs, then lays himself down on his side, letting his body sink into the soft surface. Remus lies down beside him, facing him, and keeps a hand on Sirius’s side. </p><p>“But what happened?” Remus asks again, this time with more concern. </p><p>Sirius gives him a full recount and watches the color drain from Remus’s face as he tells him the details. By the time Sirius finishes filling Remus in, he’s even more exhausted than he was when he arrived, and the more details he gives Remus, the more that Remus clutches onto him and draws him closer in. His eyes are heavy and stinging so he shuts them, but that doesn’t prevent them from leaking when he feels Remus’s lips press against his forehead. Sirius threads his arms around Remus and ducks his head against Remus’s thin chest. From within Remus’s protective hold, Sirius finally falls asleep. </p><p>Hours later, the two boys are awakened by the sound of Remus’s bedroom door opening. Sirius quickly lets go of Remus and sits up in a panic. Remus laughs a bit and smiles at Sirius.</p><p>“It’s fine,” Hope says with a smile as she places a tray of food onto Remus’s bedside table.  “Just keep the door open from now on.”</p><p>“Yes, Mum,” Remus says, looking only slightly embarrassed.</p><p>Hope catches Sirius’s gaze, then smiles and nods at him. She raises her hand and Sirius flinches slightly which causes her expression to fall. “Sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean…”</p><p>“It’s alright, Sirius. May I?” she asks and brings her hand a little closer to him. He nods his head and she presses the back of her hand to his forehead. “Eat up,” she says and smoothes his hair back. “I left some fresh towels and a pair of Lyall’s pajamas next to the bath for you.” </p><p>“Thank you,” Sirius says. </p><p>“You’re welcome, dear,” she says and runs her fingers through his hair one more time. Giving it a little jostling at the ends. </p><p>“They really don’t mind about you, about us?” Sirius asks once Hope has left the room.</p><p>“No,” Remus responds while he hands Sirius one of the bowls of his mother’s homemade chicken noodle soup from the tray. “They really don’t.”</p><p>“Why not?” Sirius asks, genuinely curious.</p><p>Remus looks at him thoughtfully. “Well, I guess it’s because they’ve always worried about me ever finding love outside of them.”</p><p>“Is that what this is?” Sirius asks. He turns his head to stare at the bowl of soup in his hands and can feel his cheeks flush in hope and embarrassment.</p><p>“It is for me,” Remus says. From the corner of his eye, Sirius sees him duck his head and bring a spoonful of soup to his mouth. </p><p>“It is for me too,” Sirius says and follows Remus’s lead by eating the soup as well. </p><p>The mutual confession of love, as well as a shower and the feeling of having a full belly for the first time in at least a week, brings new life to Sirius. It heals him more than any potion or charm in Madam Pomfrey’s arsenal ever could.</p><p>He’s on his way back to Remus’s bedroom when he overhears Lyall and Hope Lupin talking about him downstairs. On tiptoes, he creeps halfway down the stairs to where he can hear them more clearly but still remain hidden from sight by the wall. </p><p>“Who would do that to their own child?” Hope asks, her voice breaking before she can get the full sentence out.</p><p>“The Blacks aren’t like most people,” Lyall says. Sirius feels the corners of his lips drop into a frown. “It’s why I was a bit wary of Sirius when we first met him.”</p><p>“He’s a sweet boy,” Hope reprimands. “Surely he’s not like them.”</p><p>“No, of course not,” Lyall says. “He’s more than proven himself.”</p><p>“What are we going to do with him?” </p><p>“He can’t stay with us,” Lyall says. Sirius’s stomach drops through the stairs.</p><p>“We can’t send him back to his parents!” Hope exclaims and Sirius feels incredibly grateful for her. He’s not sure what he expected when he came here. His initial thoughts were to warn them that they weren’t safe here, but they already knew that. He hadn’t really thought about what was going to happen to him after that. </p><p>“No, that’s not what I was suggesting. But he can’t stay with us. It’s not safe for him or for Remus.”</p><p>“I know,” Hope sighs. “But I hate to separate them. They need each other.”</p><p>“I’m not saying they can’t see each other,” Lyall amends. “It’s just not safe for Sirius to stay with us. It’s only a matter of time before his parents come looking and we still have Remus’s safety to worry about.”</p><p>“So what do we do?” </p><p>“I’ll contact the Potters tomorrow. He’s been staying with them a lot this summer, surely they’ll take him in.” </p><p>Sirius hears what sounds like the Lupins standing up from the sofa. As quickly and quietly as he can he scrambles up the stairs and hurries back into Remus’s bedroom. Remus is already lying in bed. He lifts the covers up and Sirius crawls in next to him. </p><p>Remus moves closer to Sirius and kisses him, letting his lips linger there in a silent invitation for Sirius to explore a little deeper if he’d like. Sirius brings his hand gently up to cup the back of Remus’s head, pressing them even closer and more firmly together. He’s never done this before and isn’t entirely sure if he’s doing it right, but when he feels the vibrations of Remus’s soft sigh against his lips, he guesses he must be on the right track.</p><p>They pull apart when they hear the sound of footsteps approaching the open door, making sure to leave enough space between them to not cause themselves any embarrassment from whoever is looking in. </p><p>“Goodnight boys,” Hope Lupin’s gentle voice says.</p><p>“Goodnight, Mum,” Remus says for the both of them, his eyes still locked on Sirius’s and a smile spreading across his lips.</p><p>Remus leans into Sirius again when they hear the sound of Hope’s retreating footsteps. He presses another kiss onto Sirius’s lips, and Sirius wraps his arms around him and holds him close. Their lips break apart enough for Remus to whisper, “Goodnight, Sirius.”</p><p>“Goodnight, Remus,” Sirius says as he closes his eyes and quickly falls asleep, content with Remus in his arms.</p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>When Sirius wakes the next morning he’s so tangled with Remus that it’s hard to tell whose limbs belong to whom, and he doesn’t actually want to find out. Instead, he shuts his eyes again and enjoys the innocent embrace. He can feel Remus’s soft breaths on his neck as the other boy sleepily burrows himself even further into Sirius’s hold and Sirius can’t help but kiss his hairline. </p><p>“Good morning,” Remus mumbles against Sirius’s collarbone, tickling it slightly. </p><p>Sirius is about to answer when he hears the thundering of feet, much too loud and quick to be either of the Lupins’, running up the stairs. His eyes open wide at the sudden recognition of the familiar footfalls - <em> James </em>. He gives Remus one more quick kiss on his forehead before he hastily extricates himself from Remus’s hold and jumps out of bed, instantly missing the comforting warmth of Remus’s body pressed against his. </p><p>Remus looks at him with startled eyes just as James comes running and shouting into the bedroom, practically tackling him to the ground as he pulls him into a brotherly hug. “Sirius, what happened?”</p><p>“Hello to you too, James,” Sirius quips and gives James a quick pat on the back before he steps out of his grasp. As much as Sirius considers James his brother and as happy as he is to see him, he also knows that James being here means only one thing. The Potters are here to take Sirius home with them and therefore take him away from Remus. </p><p>“Hi, James,” Remus says a little flustered as he quickly throws on a jumper over his pajamas, stretching the sleeves over his knuckles in an attempt to cover his scars. Sirius had seen them briefly in the little bit of moonlight that illuminated Remus’s bedroom last night, but not enough to get a full grasp of their magnitude. He wishes James would leave the room so that he can tell Remus he doesn’t need to cover, not around him at least. </p><p>“James!” Mrs. Potter’s voice comes booming from downstairs. “You don’t just go barging into someone else’s room.”</p><p>“It’s Sirius’s!” James yells back.</p><p>“It’s Remus’s!” Mr. Potter chimes in. </p><p>“So!” James yells back.</p><p>Sirius makes eye contact with Remus and mouths “I’m sorry” with a wrinkling of his nose. Remus shakes his head and laughs.</p><p>James turns his attention back to Sirius and Remus, and for the first time, he seems to grasp what it is that he barged in on. A blush creeps up his neck and into his cheeks. “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t have run up here.”</p><p>“You git.” Sirius gives him a shove on the shoulder. “We weren’t doing anything.”</p><p>“Yet,” James teases.</p><p>Sirius flips James the V and sits back down on the bed, exasperated and a bit annoyed with James’s insinuation. He’s not even exactly sure what that would entail, but he most certainly doesn’t want Remus to fall under the impression that is all Sirius wants from him. </p><p>“Don’t worry, James. You didn’t interrupt anything,” Remus says with a hint of a laugh in his voice, then winks at Sirius. “This time.” </p><p>“I’ll just go back downstairs,” James says and averts his eyes from both Sirius and Remus as he turns to walk back out the door.</p><p>“We’ll be right down,” Sirius says at James’s retreating form. </p><p>Once James is out of view, Remus walks over to Sirius and stands between his legs, he hesitates slightly before he rests his hands onto Sirius’s shoulders. Sitting on the bed, Sirius is at the perfect height to look right into Remus’s eyes. Sirius places his hands onto Remus’s waist and wishes he could stop time. From the moment they leave this bedroom, their lives are going to move at full speed. Sirius is going to be taken to the Potters’ and Remus is going to be hidden away again somewhere. Sirius leans forward and presses his forehead against Remus’s. </p><p>“We’ll still see each other,” Remus says quietly as if he is able to read Sirius’s thoughts.</p><p>Sirius subtly nods his head and closes his eyes. He swallows around the lump that is forming in his throat. </p><p>“It’s going to be alright, Sirius. I promise.”</p><p>Sirius nods his head again and swiftly wraps his arms around Remus’s waist, holding onto him fully. </p><p>“Sirius,” Remus says with his voice still quiet. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“It’s just, when we leave here, I’ve got nothing at all,” Sirius finally manages to say. </p><p>Remus brings his hands to clasp together behind Sirius’s head and gives him a soft slow kiss. “That’s not true, Sirius. You’ve got me.”</p><p>At Remus’s words, Sirius ducks his head and hides into the crook of Remus’s neck. And for the first time in his life, Sirius lets himself lean into someone else and cry. So much has changed for Sirius over the course of one summer. His whole world has been turned upside down on him and the one person who arguably was responsible for it all is the only one who can make Sirius feel like he’s standing true and strong on his own two feet. </p><p>“Remus! Sirius!” Hope Lupin calls from downstairs. “We have to get moving.”</p><p>Sirius sucks in a deep breath and squeezes Remus a little tighter. The last thing he wants to do is let go of him.</p><p>“It’s gonna be alright, Sirius,” Remus says again, then brings his hands to cup Sirius’s cheeks. He uses his thumbs to gently wipe away the moisture under Sirius’s eyes and the expression on his face is earnest and unabashedly caring, with not a trace of the usual boyhood hesitation that comes with wading through emotions. He presses his lips to Sirius’s and kisses him sweetly. And Sirius, at this moment realizes that having Remus is better than everything else in the world.</p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>Spending the weekend at the Potters’ home and actually living at the Potters’ home turns out to be far different than Sirius imagines. He’d always felt welcome here, but now that this is his address for the foreseeable future, it comes with a whole new set of stakes. Before, it was easy to act natural while here, but now Sirius finds that he’s worried about any and all reactions to him as a person and potentially permanent entity inside their home. </p><p>His ticket to permanence, a scorched piece of the Black Family Tapestry with his name on it, is currently sitting on his lap. He’s not sure what to do with it. It came in an envelope devoid of anything else, but the message is clear. They don’t want him anymore. And though the feeling is mutual, the scorched piece of heavy fabric still manages to leave Sirius feeling gutted.</p><p>A gentle knock on the open bedroom door breaks Sirius from his thoughts of his family. “Sirius, can I come in love?”</p><p>Sirius looks up to see Mrs. Potter looking at him from outside the door. She’s wearing her typical warm and friendly smile and has two large mugs of steaming tea in her hands. Sirius nods his head and tries to hide the piece of tapestry with his hands. A pointless effort, as Euphemia Potter grabs ahold of it when Sirius takes one of the mugs of tea from her hands.</p><p>“I don’t want you to think too much on this, Sirius,” she says as she looks it over quickly, furrows her brow, and then places it on the bed between the two of them as she sits down. “Family is more than a name and a piece of tapestry.”</p><p>“I know,” Sirius says a bit sadly before he takes a sip of his tea. </p><p>“And I don’t want you to worry that you are not welcome here, or that you need to be perfect for us to allow you to stay. We’ve loved you from the first time you set foot in this house, Sirius. And that love is unconditional.”</p><p>Sirius keeps his eyes on the floor as he listens to her words and tries to absorb them. Unconditional love is a new concept for him and he’s not entirely sure that he believes in it. He continues to drink his tea. </p><p>“And we’re not the only ones,” she says sincerely. She turns to face him more and gently grabs his chin to turn him to look at her. “The Lupins have space in their hearts for you as well.” She reaches into the pocket of her skirt  and pulls out a small piece of paper. She hands it to Sirius. </p><p><em>Lupin Cottage <br/>
</em><em>The House at the End of Caring Way Drive<br/>
</em><em>New Forest, Wales </em> </p><p>“Commit it to memory, love. We’ll need to burn that.” She pulls her wand out of her skirt and points it at the little slip of paper as Sirius holds it up for her. He lets it go as soon as it catches fire. It burns in a flash and the ashes float down onto the floor. She reaches into her pocket again and pulls out another, larger piece of paper sealed and folded neatly. “The owl delivered this as well.”</p><p>Sirius takes it from her and immediately recognizes his name written out in Remus’s scrawl on the envelope. She rises from the bed and pats Sirius on his shoulder before giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll leave you alone for that one. Come down for breakfast when you’re ready.”</p><p>“Thank you, for everything,” Sirius says and swallows thickly.</p><p>Mrs. Potter stops in her tracks and fixes him with a loving smile. “Sirius, you’ve given us more than we could ever give you.”  </p><p>“I don’t think that’s true,” Sirius says quietly.</p><p>She steps towards him again and places a motherly kiss on his cheek. “You’ll understand what I mean someday,” she says, then turns and leaves his room.</p><p>Sirius sucks in a breath to steady himself and opens Remus’s letter.</p><p><em>Sirius—<br/>
</em> <em>I’m sorry it’s taken me a few days to write to you, but dad said I was not to contact anyone until we were settled into our new home. He sent a copy of our new address to Mr. and Mrs. Potter along with this letter, make sure they share it with you. I know all of us, not just me but mum and dad too, want you to be able to find us. I like our new home. It’s hidden away amongst the trees and it’s quite peaceful here. And guess what? Even though my dad put a fidelius charm on our house, he hooked it up to the floo network. He said I can use it to come meet you in Hogsmeade during the school year! I can’t wait! I’m going to load up on Honeyduke’s and we can go to the Three Broomsticks. I’ve never had butterbeer before. How’s the Potters’? They seem like really nice people. I miss you and I’ll see you on the 31st!</em></p><p><em>Love,<br/>
</em> <em>Remus</em></p><p>Sirius holds the letter close to his chest. Part of his unease in the few days since the Potters had brought him here has hinged on his worry about Remus. Finally having a new letter from him in his hands allows Sirius the ability to breathe better in the comfort and knowledge that Remus is safe again, and the love that Remus signed at the bottom makes Sirius feel safe for himself. In a matter of one morning, Sirius has received more love from two people that have no obligation to love him than he ever received from his own family. He’s not sure how he should feel about that, but for right now he can bask in its warmth.</p><p>He places the letter into the journal of music, keeping his small collection of things from Remus together, and rises from the bed with his stomach rumbling for breakfast. He reaches to grab onto the burnt tapestry, even though he’s not sure what it is that he wants to do with it. When he pulled it from the envelope he couldn’t decide if he should keep it, or let it go. But the tapestry is missing.</p><p>He looks around the bed and then drops to his knees to see if it fell onto the floor. It’s nowhere to be found. He thinks back and tries to remember if he saw what Mrs. Potter did with it. He could’ve sworn that she left it on the bed. He shrugs his shoulders in confusion and walks out of his room, resigned to having to look for it after breakfast.</p><p>He takes the stairs two at a time, spurred on by his sudden appetite and heads towards the kitchen. The smell of bacon, eggs and homemade waffles is thick in the air. </p><p>“Sirius!” James yells from behind him, his head peering out from the formal dining room instead of the kitchen. “We’re in here!”</p><p>Sirius steps in behind James, slightly confused as to why they are eating in a room that they hardly ever use. It’s made even more unsettling by the wide and mischievous grin on James’s face, making him look like a kneazle that caught a canary. Sirius takes a cautious seat at the table and that’s when he sees it. </p><p>Hanging behind Mr. Potter’s seat at the head of the table is the Potter Family Tapestry, similar and yet so different from the one that Sirius was accustomed to. The tapestry at Grimmauld Place always felt like a looming reminder of expectations and ideals in cold grey and green. Whereas the one hanging on the Potters’ wall was a proud display of love and warmth made of red and gold. And here it was, with a new branch added to it, and Sirius’s piece of tapestry magically repaired and transitioning from green to a golden yellow like a leaf in autumn as it changes.</p><p>“You’re one of us now!” James happily exclaims with a grin that stretches from ear to ear. </p><p>“I’ve always wanted another son,” Mr. Potter adds and claps Sirius on the shoulder.</p><p>“Welcome to the family, Sirius,” Mrs. Potter says as she dishes out food for everyone like it was any other day. </p><p>Sirius smiles to himself as he digs a fork into his food.</p><p>_____</p><p> </p><p>True to his word, on the morning of August thirty-first, Remus arrives at the Potters’ with a <em> WHOOSH </em>through the floo, tumbling into the living room and stopping just short of Sirius and James’s feet. </p><p>“Wotcher, Remus,” James greets while Sirius extends out his hand to pull Remus up to his feet. He locks eyes with Remus and feels his lips pull up at the corners.</p><p>“Hi, James,” Remus says without taking his eyes off of Sirius. </p><p>“Oh no, you two are going to be one of <em> those </em>couples, aren’t you?” James accuses and turns his back to them.</p><p>Sirius takes advantage of his friends’ embarrassment and places a quick kiss onto Remus’s lips, knowing full well that it’s probably the only chance he’s going to get all day. </p><p>“You mean like you and Lily will be?” Remus teases when Sirius pulls away.</p><p>“Oi!” James exclaims and turns back around lifting his hands in line with his shoulders in mock indignation. “I’ll have you know that my and Lily’s love will be one for the ages.”</p><p>“You’re forgetting one thing, James. Lily has to actually love you back for that to be true,” Sirius points out. </p><p>James playfully shoves Sirius in the shoulder. “You tosser!”</p><p>“Tosser or not, what I’ve said is true.” Sirius shrugs his shoulders and grabs ahold of Remus’s hand. “Come on, let's go fly out back. There’s loads of room.”</p><p>“I didn’t bring a broom,” Remus says as they begin to walk.</p><p>James clumsily throws his arm around Remus’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, mate. You can use one of mine.”</p><p>Once outside and in the air, Sirius is transfixed with the way Remus moves on a broom. He’s not nearly as technically skilled of a flyer as James or even himself, but he moves with a much more graceful feel. It’s measured and precise, more like a trained dancer telling a story than an athlete pushing towards the goal line.</p><p>That’s the thing about Remus, Sirius thinks. Everything about him tells a story. From the way he moves to the way it’s written in lines across his skin. Sirius is completely smitten and looks forward to discovering the story that is Remus slowly as he takes all of it in, little piece by little piece. </p><p>Hours later, long after flying and a raucous game of Exploding Snap that Remus handily won, much to James’s annoyance. The boys excuse themselves from dinner and head upstairs to their rooms to finish packing for the next day.</p><p>“Remember boys, everyone to their separate beds tonight,” Mrs. Potter calls out after them as they leave the room. Sirius feels his cheeks glow pink from embarrassment. </p><p>“You don’t have to worry about me,” James says while snickering, and Sirius pushes him out the door quicker, causing him to trip over his feet and laugh harder. “What?”</p><p>“You can be such a wanker sometimes,” Sirius says, then jokes, “We’ll see how you feel if you ever land yourself a girlfriend.”</p><p>“As if you know anything about that,” James teases back and winks in Remus’s direction. </p><p>“Thank Godric he knows nothing about landing a girlfriend,” Remus adds, then quickens his footsteps to reach the stairs before them. He looks over his shoulder and nods his head in an upward motion as if challenging them. James takes the bait and thunders up the stairs and Remus grabs Sirius’s hand before he can follow, holding him back so the two can walk up the stairs and into Sirius’s bedroom together.</p><p>Sirius kisses him soundly when they enter and are tucked away from prying eyes. He takes his time and lets their lips move smoothly together. His hands stay poised on Remus’s hips. </p><p>“I’ve wanted to do that all day,” Remus says after they slowly pull apart.</p><p>The summer’s long familiar tug that Sirius feels in his heart for the other boy pulls at him again and it’s made that much more intense by the satisfaction of actually being able to hold Remus close to him now. He slides his hands around Remus’s waist and soaks up everything he can about him, trying to memorize what Remus feels like against him. What he smells like when he’s held this close. What he sounds like when he laughs lightly into Sirius’s ear.</p><p>“You’ll write me from Hogwarts?” Remus asks, the words brushing past Sirius’s neck.</p><p>“Of course,” Sirius answers and squeezes him a little tighter.</p><p>“Good,” Remus sighs.</p><p>“Did you think I’d forget about you?”</p><p>“No,” Remus answers and he leans more into Sirius’s hold. “It’s just, I wish I could go with you. I always wanted to go to Hogwarts and it’s so lonely at home. And as wild as this summer has been, these have been the happiest days of my life.”</p><p>“Mine too,” Sirius says honestly. </p><p>“I don’t want to lose it just yet.”</p><p>“Me neither,” Sirius assures and gives Remus another kiss. “But I’ll see you in Hogsmeade right?”</p><p>“Yes,” Remus answers, nodding his head vigorously.</p><p>“And James and I know loads of secret passageways, maybe we could even sneak you in,” Sirius suggests, his mind already plotting ways for them to sneak Remus into the castle like a couple of real Marauders. </p><p>Remus laughs at this. “Imagine the horror on Dumbledore’s face when he finds out a werewolf was on the sacred grounds of Hogwarts. I’d rather not risk it.”</p><p>“Well, there’s always the Shrieking Shack then,” Sirius says thoughtfully.</p><p>“Sounds romantic,” Remus says and fakes a swoon, causing Sirius to have to clutch him closer, holding Remus up with the strength of his arms. </p><p>The two of them are laughing heartily within their embrace when James comes bounding into the room, waving a piece of parchment in the air. “You guys!” he yells as he enters. “Lily— she wants to meet me on the platform tomorrow!”</p><p>“No way,” Sirius says and lets go of Remus to try and grab ahold of the letter. James quickly jumps away from him, but Remus manages to snatch it while James is focused on Sirius. </p><p>“Hey! Give that back!” James yells and makes to tackle Remus. </p><p>Sirius grabs James by the arms and pins them behind his back. “No one is tackling Remus besides me, mate,” Sirius warns. He gives Remus a smile and a wink. “Go on, what’s it say.”</p><p>Remus scrunches his face up a bit in confusion and flips the parchment around. “It doesn’t really say much.” Remus shrugs. “Just- <em> James, I’ll meet you on the platform tomorrow to collect your completed piece for the Muggle Studies project. Tell Sirius to have his ready as well. Lily. </em>”</p><p>“That’s it,” Sirius says and lets go of James. “That’s what you came running in here about?”</p><p>“That’s hardly the love proclamation I was expecting, James,” Remus says dryly.</p><p>“You have to read between the lines you dunces,” James says as he grabs the letter from Remus.</p><p>“What lines?” Remus asks. “There were literally only two of them.”</p><p>“You two will never understand,” James says rolling his eyes and steps out of the room. Sirius and Remus laugh uproariously at him as he leaves.</p><p>However, the next morning when Sirius and Remus watch Lily blush furiously in front of James as James hands over his and Sirius’s portion of the summer assignment, Sirius wonders if maybe there was more to her letter than he had thought. And after all, who was he to judge as he’d spent most of his summer exchanging letters with Remus, Soaking up every morsel and crumb of affection that could be found inside of those letters. But, he had to admit, there had never been anything subtle about their letters or how they felt about each other. Perhaps James is right, maybe he does have it harder with Lily.</p><p>“Are you ready lads?” Mr. Potter asks as he steps up behind Sirius and Remus. </p><p>“Easy for me, I have nothing to be ready for,” Remus says. Sirius reaches down and grabs his hand subtly and gently. He looks up at Mr. Potter and notices that he looks as if he is saddened by Remus’s words as well.</p><p>The train lets out a loud <em> WOO-WOO </em> and a giant plume of steam to signify its rapidly approaching departure. All around them, fellow students and their parents hurry to get onto the train but Sirius is in no rush. He wants to drag this moment out with Remus for as long as he can before he and James need to get on the train and Mr. Potter returns Remus back to Lupin Cottage. </p><p>Through the chaos, Sirius almost misses the flash of green robes and black hair that brusquely moves through the barrier that separates the Muggle world from the Wizarding one at King’s Cross Station. The brief glance he gets is quickly obscured by Mr. Potter moving himself to shield Sirius from view as his mother deposits Regulus off at the train. Sirius isn’t sure if she sees him, but he catches Regulus looking longingly in his direction as he steps onto the train, his hand held up in a subtle, easy to be missed wave. Sirius returns the gesture.</p><p>“Where’s James?” Mr. Potter asks.</p><p>“He’s over there,” Sirius says as he turns around to point at James. He almost chokes at what he sees. Lily and James standing facing each other hand in hand. James looks as if he is going to burst from excitement. </p><p>“I guess this was the summer of love for all of you then,” Mr. Potter says as he claps Sirius and Remus on their shoulders. “James,” he calls out. “It’s time to get on the train.”</p><p>James and Lily walk over to them, their hands still linked together. Sirius raises a questioning eyebrow at the both of them. However, when Lily pointedly takes her gaze down to where Sirius’s hand is intertwined with Remus’s he can’t help but smile.</p><p>“See you on the train,” Lily says and lets go of James’s hand before she steps onto the Hogwarts Express, its final warning whistle blowing.</p><p>“Be good this year boys,” Mr. Potter says and gives James and Sirius each a one-armed fatherly hug. “Your mum and I look forward to having both of our sons home at Christmas.”</p><p>“See you, Dad,” James says and steps onto the train.</p><p>“See you at Christmas,” Sirius says, still hesitant to call Mr. Potter ‘Dad’, even though he feels more affection for the man than he ever has for his own father. Mr. Potter pats Sirius on the shoulder one more time then walks a few steps away, giving Sirius and Remus some semblance of privacy amongst the din of last-minute stragglers.</p><p>“I’ll miss you,” Remus says. He lifts their linked hands and regards them thoughtfully. </p><p>“I’ll miss you too,” Sirius says and steps a little closer to Remus, not caring what any of the people looking on might think of their proximity. It doesn’t matter to him. All that matters to Sirius at this moment is Remus. “I’ll write you tonight. And I’ll give you all the Hogsmeade dates as soon as I know them.”</p><p>“Okay,” Remus says and shuffles a little closer. “I do love you, you know.”</p><p>“I know,” Sirius says and leans forward. “I love you too.”</p><p>The kiss they share as the train blows its whistle and begins to move is brief and chaste but treasured nonetheless. </p><p>“I’ll see you soon,” Sirius calls out as he climbs aboard the train. He hangs half out the door, his body keeping it from closing as the Hogwarts Express pulls away from the station. He keeps his eyes on Remus’s waving form, watching him get smaller and smaller as the train picks up speed. He waits until he can no longer see Remus, before he steps out of the way of the doors and fully onto the train, content and glowing from all the love he’s accumulated over the course of the summer. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and lets his thoughts linger on Remus and the comfort of knowing that whatever happens from this moment forward, everything is going to be alright. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A massive thank you to my beta who worked out all of my questionable apostrophes, capitalization issues, and supported me from start to finish. Love you to bits and journals full of Velvet Underground. </p><p>To my readers, thank you for making it to the end! Please comment and Kudos! It seems silly, but it really does keep me going and fuels me to write more. And if you’re over 18, come find me tumblr @kattlupin 💛</p></blockquote></div></div>
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